Day 18

It is after 2 in the afternoon and I just woke up. Today I am back to pain being stronger than my nausea. I guess at least I get to change it up a bit, not the same old, same old every day.  I confirmed I do have my appointment on the 18th and that date is coming up very quickly. I did figure out how to put a Paypal button on here and we are moving closer to our goal, but we still have a ways to go. I know some people want my mailing address and it is P.O. Box 634 Sterlington, LA 71280. I have to admit I am nervous for the appointments and surgeries because I have been let down so many times before. So while I try to stay positive, I cannot allow myself to get my hopes too high. I realize that as long as my sweet Elijah has been alive, I have been sick. He wants nothing more than to have his mommy back. That's what all my children want. Noah and Hope remember a mommy that cooked meals they loved from scratch, baked with them, cleaned their rooms, kept the house in order, and spent hours playing with them. Elijah got a small glimpse of that. When he was first born I would spend all day just holding him and looking at him, I would not even turn on the TV. When he was 2 I had my first surgery, and I could not hold or lift him. That's when Hope stepped in, she gave him the things he needed that I couldn't. She was only 10 then and that was so unfair to her. Don't get me wrong she wanted to be there for him, what 10yr old girl doesn't want a live doll. That is when they grew so close together, but at the same time it overwhelmed her. She has always been so strong but she needed to be a little girl. Noah felt a burden he should never have taken on himself but he and Hope grew closer than any brother and sister. Noah was and now always is there for Hope and Hope was and is always there for Elijah. I have seen times like when my grandfather passed away that Noah automatically went to Hope after his long journey to the Dominican Republic, and standing there in the funeral home Hope just melted into Noah. Though sad, it was the most beautiful moment. I worry sometimes, because Hope feels she has to be so strong and most of the time Noah is the only one she can feel venerable with, and he is going off to college. I hope she can lean on me and her daddy while her great protector is away. I have to go take my medicine or I am not going to get this pain under control so, until next time...