Day 38

I am continually healing from my surgery but it is a slow process.  I just had a very hard time getting off the couch for a door to door sales girl who was selling cleaning products. I know that girl is just trying to make a living and I pray she gets what she needs.  I know that is a hard way to make a living and getting no's is not ever easy.  I am now in pain from getting up so I need to take some medicine. I planned on writing something profound today, but I seem to have nothing profound in my vocabulary. Just pain is on my mind right now so I will have to try to write later. I am still pretty weak too but I have to recover, I have a long ways to go but God will get me there.

Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy

Day 37

Ok, so I am home and on my computer instead of my IPhone so hopefully this post will make since and not get erased before I can share it.  I spent much of the day sleeping and I am ready to go to bed.  I can feel my body slowly healing from the surgery and I am going to do everything I can to speed that process along.  I had a really good view from my room.  When we got home the house was spotless and our Hopie had a sweet letter for each of us. with her permission I would like to share my letter. It reminded me of when I had the surgery to have the pacer implanted and was so unsure if I was going to survive that. I wrote everyone a letter just in case I did not get to tell them all of the things I needed to. I knew the kids would have each other and Clint, but I also knew while Clint would be there for the kids, he would have no one there for him and that broke my heart. When I would think of Elijah I could only think of that Joshua Kaddison song, "All He Wants is Mamma's Arms." because that is all he wanted and I could not hold him.  Because of that he and hope grew closer than ever.  I still worry about Clint because we really just have each other. He is not only the love of my life but my best friend.  Ladies are always flirting with him and even blatantly throwing themselves at him, but all he talks about is his beautiful, sweet, amazing wife. He has always held me on a pedestal and even tells people I am the reason for our children's good looks and brilliance. He always tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the room where ever we are. After 17 years of marriage we still have that ooey, gooey love but at the same time we are the best of friends. I have no doubt God brought us together and we keep Him as the center of our marriage. Our story is one for another day, if I recall i still have to tell you the story of how Noah saved my life, but that is his story too so I have to get his permission. I cannot forget to call and set up a follow up appointment for 2 weeks tomorrow and get the Neurologist to refer me to Mayo in Jacksonville, Florida to the Autonomic Neuropathy Guru because he did not just want to throw a treatment at me. especially a dangerous one if he did not know if it would do any good. This is going to be some busy month because we have to come up with a real fundraiser to get us to Florida. I also have to order Noah's Graduation Invitations and I wanted to do them like Laura did for her boys, like an Album Cover but we are running out of time and we can't afford the pictures so we will use the simple ones if we can still order them and put a single picture in them. Plus we have to get everyone's address, find and pay for housing, pay for Hope's Driver's Ed, find Noah a vehicle, and so on and so forth. But this is what I am going to do. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all of these things shall be added unto you." We don't just believe Him for a miracle in my healing as my Jehovah Rapha -The God who Heals. We also believe Him for a miracle in our finances as our Jehovah Jireah-  The God who Provides. it is funny when you get into God's word and the same thing you read will be preached in a sermon on TV or in church that very Sunday, or maybe it coincides with your life group lesson. I am willing to let God use me however He pleases, and if that is from my sick bed right now that is okay, as long as I stay in the center of God's perfect Will. When we were so broke, neither one of us had a job, we just lost our business, and did not have a dime in the bank, I went from waking up in a panic every day saying, what are we going to do today, to a place where I would wake up excited saying, What are You going to do today God? because when we had nothing, God took care of us, none of our necessities ever got cut off and we had more food in our pantry than we had ever had in our lives. So as I close, ask God, What are You going to do today? I promise you won't regret it!

Lots of Love
And Laughter,

Betsy

Day 36

Another great post accidentally erased and that discouraged me because I felt like it was a really great post. I am so glad to be home with my family and though I am in pain I can feel my body healing. I will either go to the doctor or get the doc to send my home health nurse to check out my wound and give me a pain shot. Hopefully I can rewrite my post when I Am not about to fall asleep.

Day 35

I wrote a long post this morning and it was kind of all over the place but I worked hard to bring it together and added a view from my room but I lost it somehow. Anyway I am being released today and they are getting my stuff together now. I can't remember everything but I cannot wait to get home and see my babies! I am not looking forward to the long car ride though.

Day 34 part 2

I am very weak and can't write much but I wanted to let Everyone know my surgery went well and I am pacer free. Pain and severe nausea are not to fun but this too shall pass. Thank God they have me on a pain pump and they just raised the frequency of my nausea meds so hopefully I can get some rest. Thanks again for all the much needed prayers and support. Keep the faith of a child!
Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy

Day 34 Surgery

Sorry I missed yesterday. I go in to surgery at 8 this morning. Yesterday we drove around. I wish we could have taken Elijah to the zoo or aquarium but the weather was supposed to get bad and I did not feel like walking around. I got my hair cut in the beauty salon here at the hospital and I met the most amazing lady, Julie. I did not get her last name but I will. She takes such care with what she does. She deals with patients and their families on a normal basis and she really makes a difference in lives. No matter what you do if you do it for The Lord, He will use you and He really uses Julie. I consider it an honor to have met her. I am a bit nervous about my surgery now that I am waking up but I know God is in control. Hopefully I will feel like posting later or tomorrow.
Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy

Day 32

I have spent today so tired. We took Elijah to a 4th generation barber named Sal. That was really cool. It felt kind of mafia like. We went for a short ride to Krispy Kreme Doughnuts which did not help my nausea. I have spent most of today in bed. I have to admit I am nervous about my surgery, being cut from sternum to belly button is no small surgery and they said I would only be in the hospital one night. Elijah made a friend at the doctors office. She was so sweet and Elijah loves to talk and by the end of it with her talking about her children and what they like comparing to what Elijah likes I shared Noah's playlist to give the kids some good clean music to listen to and it just happens to drop the gospel. Lacrae, Tedashi, and Trip Lee. I have seen God change people's whole life just by a simple conversation or invitation. Just because I am stuck in the bed doesn't mean God can't use me as a matter of fact when I am at my weakest God is at His strongest. I cannot wait to see what miracles tomorrow brings. I would love for some of you to share your stories if you feel like it.

Day 31

Awakened to a false fire alarm early this morning and after a long night for us all we decided to sleep in. By the time we did get up and out of the hotel I was already pretty wiped. We drove around and saw all the things you are supposed to walk and do but I gotta tell you the ride itself wore me out. We made a trip to Walmart for the essentials... Candy, cokes, corn dogs, cookies, chips,cups, and then we left the c isle and got everything else. Through the crazy traffic we found our way back to the hotel and my yoga pants. I think there is time to take a nap before we go to bed lol. I want to thank everyone for sticking with me through this adventure and I especially want to thank those of you that reassure me when I need it the most. Pray that Clint gets better because he is our glue, he says he is fine, but we can all use some extra prayers. Elijah is in the corner of the room making a movie on his tablet, so he is as happy as can be. I miss my Noah and my Hope so much. I know they couldn't miss school but if there was anyway they would be here with us now. I understand why Dr. Richardson's nurse put the visits on Monday because she assumed the other doctors were going to line everything else out during the week but there was some major miscommunication there. If this was the only thing we were going to be down here for we could have done our pre op visit Thursday and surgery Friday and that would have saved us a lot of money. But I believe God has us down here early for a reason and I have learned better than to question what God is doing.

Day 30

If you read my blog you get the news first. I went to the first doctor who left me dumbfounded because he told me the other doctor I already saw would have to set up that surgery but he was the first doctor I saw in that department and that was the first time I went there so I will have to have that surgery separate. Then I went to the neurologist, he is not an expert on autonomic neuropathy and wants to send me to a guru on that so if my insurance will approve it we will have to go to the Mayo clinic in Jacksonville, Florida. He said he would be happy to be the go between so I should only have to have one visit there and then he could implement what that doctor says. Even though this is a mess at least it is less of a mess than I have had to deal with in the past and because I am already in the Mayo system it should be no problem. I will have my pacer removed Friday, but as far as I know we have nothing else planned between now and then but it would cost the same to drive home and back that it will to stay here and that is so much easier. I am exhausted and in pain so I am going to rest now. See you soon

Day 29

For those of you that didn't get a txt or are not on my Facebook event we made it safely to New Orleans and are checked in. Tired and really need to run my IV meds so this won't be long. I have 3 appointments tomorrow and will know more then. I will let you know as soon as I do. Thanks so much for all of your love and support. I feel very blessed to live in a time when people so far away are so close by a simple written word. So far my blog has had many views and has even covered 7 countries. That amazes me that people all over the world take the time to read what I have to say. We saw a barge with a crane on it which made me think of Shelby Stanga so here we go!

Day 28

The day before the big trip. I wish we could have found some place cheaper to stay since we will be down there for who knows how long, but I am not taking any chances on a city like New Orleans. I normally contact a social worker at the hospital and get a list of all the places that give a discount but Ochsner had no such thing. Last year I went on Home Away and found a beautiful 3 bedroom 3 bath 2700sqft townhouse with a garage and country club access with 2 amazing pools and lots of other great perks. I just got through packing my medical supplies that don't need to be refrigerated, that tool a whole large suitcase. Now I am resting and running IV meds while the family went to Walmart to get food and supplies. Thank goodness Hope is going to pack Elijah up because I still have to pack for myself. New Orleans here we come... Don't let me down!

Day 27

Well guess what? I didn't get off this couch today and take care of the things I needed to. Now I am watching tv with my love and he said no worries somebody will get it done. I have a hard time relinquishing control but I am going to have to learn. Time to rest tomorrow is going to be a very busy day.

Day 26

Happy Valentines Day everyone. I got up this morning and made my Elijah heart shaped cinnamon toast, and to make it extra special I added sprinkles. Well that was a mistake because it made it to crunchy for him so I ended up eating it and now I am paying big time. I don't have time to be so sick right now because I have to get everything ready for my trip. Everything Elijah will need, including clothes and plenty of entertainment. My clothes and medications and boy let me tell you that is a whole bunch. Between my IV nutrition bags, IV meds, pole and pump, plus all the syringes, alcohol wipes, gloves, flushes, hep locks... I am sure there is more but you get the point. I don't have time to waste my day laying on this stupid couch in pain or stuck in the bathroom. Elijah is so sweet he wants me to help him make valentines for everyone so I have to help him no matter how I feel. Every holiday and everyone's birthday and even sometimes just because it is Thursday he want to put together an elaborate party. I am afraid he got that trait from me. Pray that I can pull myself together long enough to do the things I must and not allow myself to do the things I shouldn't. I think the thing I am most nervous about for my surgery is the fact that the scar from my sternum to my belly button is pretty much healed and I know this surgeon is good but it is kind of a big deal to be split open that much. The surgeon that implanted the device moved my diaphragm which I only found out about because at my post-op I asked him why every time my stomach hurt my left shoulder hurt and he very nonchalantly said, "Oh, that's because I moved your diaphragm. That was in 2010 and my sweet Clint thought he was going to lose me, let me tell you if was bad and I knew it was going to be. I wasn't so sure I would survive either. Both Noah and Hope had plans to go to summer camp so in their luggage I put a letter for every day. Writing those letters were so hard, but I wanted them to know how much I loved them and if anything did happen to me that they would be just fine because I raised them to be strong and they would have their daddy. I wrote Elijah letters too, but the one I was really worried about was my love, my life, my Clint. Of course I wrote him a very long letter but I knew he would be there for the kids though with Elijah all I could think about was that Joshua Kaddison song, All He Wants Is Momma's Arms. By the way thanks Kevin for that CD I never gave back, it is one of my favorites. But I knew the kids would be there for each other and Clint would be there for them. Though I knew the kids would be there for Clint, he would really have nobody to lean on. He would be strong for the kids but fall apart on the inside. The reason is because we are each others best friend, we fall more in love with each other every passing day. There is no one we would rather be with than each other, and I was so worried for him that there would be no one to give him the comfort he needed. The first month after my surgery was extremely hard on everyone. But then I got better bit by bit. I could hold down small amounts of food. At one point I could even hold down a full meal. I was so close to being me again. Valentines day 2011, I had a root canal so those two things made me know the day my nerves quit responding to the pacer. Dr. Abell's office knew it would probably happen to me because my biopsy showed missing neurons and even though they knew, they didn't bother to tell me. So I had it adjusted and felt it shock the living day lights out of me every 5 seconds with no results. I had it turned off and let my stomach rest, not putting anything down for 3 days in the hospital with IV fluids, Zofran, and Phenergan. That was the protocol but after that I still could not hold down anything a sip of water sent me into severe dry heaving spells. After a week the doctors unhooked my IV and sent me home. Yea, that is what medical service is around here. Two weeks later I was back in the hospital, this time we all thought I was going to die. That is when I went on IV nutrition and fought tooth and nail to get to the Mayo Clinic. My insurance finally approved it but for some reason the Hospitalist sent me to the one in Arizona. There they ran tests and told me everything I already knew and sent me home. Home to my beloved grandfather's funeral. Thank God I have a PCP who knew so little about gastroparesis but cared enough to learn and stick with me through the whole process right down to taking care of my weekly nutrition needs. I am sure I have written it in here before but though the insurance approved me going to Mayo, they did not pay sticking us with a $13,000 bill. Now it is time to go back to New Orleans and have this useless pacer removed. This surgery won't fix my problems other than the pain the pacer itself causes. It has flipped over twice and that was excruciating.
Time for the moment of truth. I have to survive this, I have too much to live for.

Day 25

My mind is drawing a blank today. I keep eating and making myself sick. Why does anybody do what they do? People say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I eat and expect it to not hurt, not to come back up, not to throw me into a vicious cycle. There was a time I could just not put food in my mouth, at that point I was having heart palpitations and throwing up blood and I set my mind to the fact that whatever bite of food, whatever tasty morsel was not worth my life. Food is everywhere and we are supposed to eat several times a day, but I am not supposed to have any more than 2 ounces every 2 hours and even that won't stay down. I keep thinking I will do better tomorrow but that is never the case. I am so drained from today so I guess I will write again tomorrow. I need to rest.
Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy

Day 24

It is a funny thing, when you are down in the pit that is when you know the real people who care about you. Being ignored and outright shunned by people you love and you thought at least cared somewhat. People you barely know surprise you too. They go so far above and beyond that there are just no words to describe your gratitude. It is easier to understand when you have been in a similar situation than it is when you have lived a blessed life with only small hills and no major valleys. I imagine it must be nice to live in a bubble of an easy life. I claim Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says The Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope." I know how blessed I am to have a husband who adores me to this day. We have been married 17 years and our love for each other continues to grow. He could have taken better paying jobs that would take him away from home for long periods of time, but he understood that we were where he needed to be. I hate the pain that what I am going through is being inflicted on my precious family. Time to see what true friends are and the power of what God is doing!

Day 23

7 days left and I am nervous, excited, and have that feeling where you just want to hold your breath. I have to admit today has been quite unpleasant. Some days it is my nausea, some days my pain, but today has been a constant barrage of nausea, pain, and a massive migraine. I know I have to keep it together and I absolutely cannot get a fever or any other problem to postpone surgery. I am so thankful for all the words and prayers and donations we so desperately need. I wrote a very long and you wouldn't believe it condensed story but today is not the day to share. My baby girl needs my help because this straight A top of every class student is being given a bad grade in a class that she goes above and beyond to do good in. Even when they have a group project and everyone in the group share the grade, some people in the group do not do their part, so Hope does it because she will take nothing less than an A. I will not be here to help next week so I pray God will allow me the strength to go correct this problem.

Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy

Day 22

Good evening everyone. I had a better day today, spending it with my my wonderful family. I am still very weak. I miss seeing my Church family every week. I hope it won't be so much longer. On a different note, having this illness had truly humbled me. I know to some of you it seems like I am asking for a lot but my illness has taken so much from us. It has not only drained my family spiritually and emotionally, but it has drained us financially. We need help and whatever you can will be tremendously appreciated. We have every intention to pay it forward when we have the means. It is difficult enough being a one income family as it is but my medical needs has just pushed us way over our budget. If you have a desire to help you can easily push the PayPal button. Or if you go by Capital One you can deposit into the Betsy A Hutson donation account and if anyone wants my mailing it is on the blog, but it is P.O. Box 634 Sterlington, LA 71280. The 18th will be here before we know it and we could use all the help possible. We have gotten 1/3 of our goal and really appreciate your generosity. I wanted to have a benefit concert and a silent auction but that was the old me who could put together amazing projects just for my extended family and friends as well as fundraiser for different organizations but now I feel so helpless. I pray that any amount you can spare will be returned to you 100 fold! I am writing this blog you know be amuse of my son and to prove Gods Miracles still exist today. With that I ask you to comment and share miracles you have experience.
Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy

Day 21

It is a really bad day. My pain and nausea are fighting to see which can stand out the most. I have thrown everything in my arsenal of medications at it and if this doesn't let up my only recourse will be the hospital, but the sad thing is this hospital won't do anything to help me. It would be a total waste of time and energy. I couldn't even go with my family to the store. I am so sick of being sick and I am afraid that nothing I do will ever help and I want my life back. Sorry to be in such a depressed mood but I want true. In our family the main thing we do not tolerate is lying, so there it is. Don't get me wrong, I do have faith, and I do know God will not give us anything beyond what we can bear, but this just feels so unbearable at this point. Thank you to those of you that pray for our family and thank you so much to those of you who donated to the medical fund. We still have a long way to go on that one and could use all the help you can give. Please don't just pray for me because the hardest part of all of this is watching my family fall apart around me. They need your prayers so much more than I do. I have to go for now and I hope I will be better soon. I feel like by writing this I am somehow letting people down, but I just had to get that off my chest.

Day 20

I know this should be day 21 because it is midnight. My pain seems to have trouble letting up. It sure is giving me a run for my money. I can't believe it is getting so close to the 18th. I miss myself so much right now. I know my family misses the real me but I miss me too. I fear I will never get back to the real me but I know God won't allow that. He created me for a purpose and all I want is to be who He created me to be. I wish I had more to write but I must rest so hopefully I will see you tomorrow.

Day 19 part 2

Gastroparesis... I had never heard that word until 2009. The doctor that gave me the diagnosis had an ominous tone in his voice. He said he had 2 medications I could try but if they didn't work there was nothing else he could do for me. I left confused, unaware of the all too soon future to come. I was so glad to finally have a name for what my body was doing to me, but then I researched it and was overwhelmed with fear. I always loved food, cooking, eating, baking, all of it. I used to tell people I could never be anorexic because I liked food too much and I could never be bulimic because I couldn't bear the thought of wasting good food. In a way it has made me both because I don't eat for the fear of the strongest pain I have ever felt, and I gave birth with no pain meds. Then the hunger sets in. Before gastroparesis I don't remember feeling hunger. I would eat because it was time to eat or something smelled good or looked good or I was bored. Oh how I loved to eat. Now I know true hunger and I do my best to fight it because I know what putting a bite of food or a sip of water in my mouth will do to me, but hunger always eventually wins. Now I have IV nutrition to sustain me, to stop my body from stealing what it needs from my muscles, teeth, hair, and bones. Idiopathic Gastroparesis , it just means they don't know what caused it. Well, I am human and I wanted to know the cause, little did I know the cause was so much worse. Autonomic Autoimmune Neuropathy, something I was born with. It was the cause of my recurring appendicitis as a child. It was why my gallbladder quit working. It is why my stomach and small intestines are paralyzed. How could that be worse, you say? AAN attacks your body shutting down one organ after another. I am hopeful a neurologist can give me a treatment that if not fixing my gastroparesis will at least stop my body from shutting down any more organs. It is a very dangerous treatment and life support has to be on hand but it sure beats the alternative...multi-visceral transplant. Still hopeful but weary. The pain is making me want to say bad words and I am but no need to type them. Aside from me, my heart breaks for people dealing with this and being accused of having an eating disorder and even thrown in the psych ward. I even had a doctor accuse me of lying when all I wanted was IV fluids. The next day I ended up in the ER. I would love to show that doctor my central line and ask him if that is a lie. I know there are many things worse than gastroparesis and my heart goes out to those who deal with their own conditions. As if the stabbing pain in my stomach is not enough, I have a migraine coming on so until next time I hope this gives you a bit of insight into my world.
bu

Day 19

This is the letter I wrote to my church family and I thought you might want to read it too. It gives a little background in what we have done and what we would love to be doing. I hope it will mean something to someone!

I want to start by telling you this is the best Church home we have ever had. I know we haven't been as involved or present as we have in the past. I used to be so able and willing for God to use me and He did. I taught teens Drama. We wrote an amazing valentines banquet love story about Esther, a beautiful Christmas story about Mary and Joseph, and a really astounding Easter story, revolved around the cross, but including a pray from Mary's heart about her son, and her realization that it was God's son too so He did know how hard it was. I did so much work with AWANA's at several churches. I sang in the Praise Band at a couple of churches. We moved around a lot because our spirits weren't settled and our churches kept splitting. Then the time before we came to North Monroe, I was a children's minister and the very small St. Andrews Methodist Church. The reason we started going there was because my family went there and my moms Parkinson's was progressing. At any case God used me in a profound way there. We gave the children's sermon in front of the church after the music and before the sermon. Every week Brother Donnie would tell me what his sermon was about and God would give me these amazing children's sermons to go along with it. Most of the adults would tell me they got more from my little sermon than the one being preached.When we moved to North Monroe, I tried so hard to work in AWANA there, work where ever I was needed, just like we had before at every church we ever went to, jump in and let God position us. Before Gary Griffith passed away, I worked very closely with him and learned so much from him eventually leading the children's music. I had a strong desire in my heart to start a young ladies, Proverbs 31 ministry, to teach today's youth how to be true ladies. God has also recently given me a desire to do something no one that I know of is doing. There are youth camps, children's camps, ladies retreats, men's retreats, couples retreats, but I have yet to find a family retreat. God has given me a vision of a farm atmosphere with fun things to do together and mainly to get families unplugged and learning how to be families again. Growing Families Together.

I want you to understand how greatly being so ill breaks my heart, I couldn't keep my promise to stick with AWANA, suddenly I was no longer in control of anything. I had never before told someone I would do something and not follow through. For the longest, I would go to church in agony because that is where we were supposed to be. When I finally decided I could no longer go, my family would go without me, but it tore them up to leave me laying here on the couch because we always do everything together. Finally, Clint decided he could no longer leave me here alone, so we would sit and listen on the couch together. I know you helped us last year to get to Arizona to the Mayo Clinic. I know the church has prayed for my family often. I know my lifegroup adopted our family for Christmas. I feel I have no right to ask, because I know there are many people in great need, but we need help getting to Ochsner and having my surgeries. Any amount you choose is fitting, I am sure will be just the right amount,because God has a funny way of doing just that. Thank you for all the prayers and every way each person at our church has touched our lives.

Day 18

It is after 2 in the afternoon and I just woke up. Today I am back to pain being stronger than my nausea. I guess at least I get to change it up a bit, not the same old, same old every day.  I confirmed I do have my appointment on the 18th and that date is coming up very quickly. I did figure out how to put a Paypal button on here and we are moving closer to our goal, but we still have a ways to go. I know some people want my mailing address and it is P.O. Box 634 Sterlington, LA 71280. I have to admit I am nervous for the appointments and surgeries because I have been let down so many times before. So while I try to stay positive, I cannot allow myself to get my hopes too high. I realize that as long as my sweet Elijah has been alive, I have been sick. He wants nothing more than to have his mommy back. That's what all my children want. Noah and Hope remember a mommy that cooked meals they loved from scratch, baked with them, cleaned their rooms, kept the house in order, and spent hours playing with them. Elijah got a small glimpse of that. When he was first born I would spend all day just holding him and looking at him, I would not even turn on the TV. When he was 2 I had my first surgery, and I could not hold or lift him. That's when Hope stepped in, she gave him the things he needed that I couldn't. She was only 10 then and that was so unfair to her. Don't get me wrong she wanted to be there for him, what 10yr old girl doesn't want a live doll. That is when they grew so close together, but at the same time it overwhelmed her. She has always been so strong but she needed to be a little girl. Noah felt a burden he should never have taken on himself but he and Hope grew closer than any brother and sister. Noah was and now always is there for Hope and Hope was and is always there for Elijah. I have seen times like when my grandfather passed away that Noah automatically went to Hope after his long journey to the Dominican Republic, and standing there in the funeral home Hope just melted into Noah. Though sad, it was the most beautiful moment. I worry sometimes, because Hope feels she has to be so strong and most of the time Noah is the only one she can feel venerable with, and he is going off to college. I hope she can lean on me and her daddy while her great protector is away. I have to go take my medicine or I am not going to get this pain under control so, until next time...

Day 17

Hi everyone, thanks for joining me. Today my pain is not as bad as it was yesterday but my nausea is what I cannot get under control today. It is hard to say which is worse. I know most people would vote pain is worse, but I have never in my life experienced nausea like gastroparesis nausea. It consumes your whole body, you try to ignore it, you try not to let it send you into a fit of dry heaving where you pull muscles in you chest and back, you try not to let it cause heart palpitations, but most of all you try not feel it. You take all your medication and sometimes the medicine prescribed to stop the nausea makes it worse. I know there are so many people that are in worse health than me. To each person their burden is heavier than anyone else can imagine. I have a dear friend who is far more ill than me in many ways, but the first words out of her and her family's mouth is, "What can I do for you?" I pray for them daily and though her burden is so great, she has such a strength in her voice. I pray God chooses to heal her because she is one of His most precious gifts. We have another dear friend who is equally as ill and he constantly sends me little things he knows I like just to let me know he is thinking of me. He has done so much for our family and we love him dearly. I know God is my healer and my provider and He knows all my needs. I just spent a little time rifling through piles of papers to find the title to Noah's vehicle that does not run so he can sell it and hopefully get a good enough vehicle to get him back and forth from LA Tech. We have not found it, but that tiny bit of work wore me completely out. I wish with all my heart and soul that we could buy him a fairly new vehicle because he truly deserves it. It won't be long and the little man that saved my life will be out on his own. He is known as The Tutor but he is limited on what he can do because of the vehicle situation. He walks to the Jr. High, even in freezing rain, and either stays at school even though he gets out at 11:20 or waits until after 5 when Clint gets home to tutor at the High School. He is amazing in the way he tutors because he goes above and beyond by going to the teachers to get their perspective and then figures out how each of these kids learn and then show them how to teach themselves. He is very devoted to the Lord, very devoted to his family, and very devoted to his sweet, wonderful girlfriend. How this this amazing child save my life? Well, that is another story for another day. I am going to try to get this nausea to a place where I can bear it. We are  still trying to raise money for my surgeries in New Orleans and I have set up an event page on Facebook. I have a donation account at Capital One. The Betsy A. Hutson Donation Account. I have also finally figured out how to set up a Paypal button and I will try to post it on here as well.

Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy

Day 16

I know I missed another day, I spent most of it sleeping and spent most of today sleeping. Now that I am awake I understand why and wish I was still asleep. My pain is uncontrollable today so bad it hurts to breathe. Normally my pain is kept under control these days. The last 2 years I couldn't remember a day without severe pain, it was just a part of my life. I finally went to pain management and they put me on a Fentanyl patch and for the first time since I could remember I was not in pain. I have dye of pain but nothing like it was before. Right now I cannot write anymore because it is not easy to think curled up in a ball. I just wanted to let you know why I missed yesterday and why today is less than inspirational.

Day 14

Sorry I missed yesterday. I just feel so lost in my own skin. I know I am surrounded by Angels, one totally made my day yesterday. I know Matthew 6: 25-33 tells us not to worry. God had me memorize these verses several years ago. He did that because He knows I am prone to worry. At a time in our life when we had no job, no income, no savings, I would wake up worrying, "what are we going to do today." Before long after having none of our essentials cut off, something would come from the strangest places taking care of our necessities, and we had more food in our pantry than we ever had before. Soon I would wake up and say, "what are You going to do today God?" I know He works in mysterious ways and I trust completely that we are going to have no problem paying our bills, feeding our older children as they stay here, and paying Hotel and food and fuel costs when we go to Ochsner this month. I admit I am afraid to expect anything more than the runaround and exorbitant costs we incurred the past 2 years, but I am hopeful this will finally be the answer we have been searching for. You know who you are and you should know every blessing you bestow on my family will be given back to you 100 fold by the grace of God!

Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy