Every cell in my body hurts!

I am so far beyond excited to go see my babies and my grandbabies. I know how stupidly weak I am so I have been trying to take everything so slow. Mostly packed and we leave on Tuesday but first I have to try and get through tomorrow. That is going to be a doozie of a day. Like I said in my title every single cell in my body hurts. My hair even hurts, how on earth does your hair hurt? It's not even alive. Tomorrow I have to call my doctor and see if I can get some pain meds for my trip and get a shot but it's going to be tricky because I can't get a shot until after 2 appointments that I have to be clear headed for and my doc only sees patients in the mornings so hopefully he will work with me to set it up with the nurse. The appointment I am least looking forward to is the one to discuss a minor surgery to get a better look to se if I have cancer on top of everything else. It is going to be a very long day then I have to travel the whole next day. Please pray I have the energy to spend some much needed cuddle time with my 2 sweet grandbabies. My grandaughter is almost 7 and she has been texting me every day asking, "How many days until you come to our house." They are both so excited to see their Granny and Papa. And ofcourse uncle Elijah tops both of us. They really love their Wige. 

Again

I sit here again, curled up in a ball asking why. Tears stroll down my face as my stomach churns. I'm so hungry, in so so much pain and all I want to do is hide. Asking why again. I thought this was over, done, a part of my past. yet here I sit the pain immeasurable the hunger consuming me the anger burning through me like a ball of fire. Why again. Why now? Yet here I sit again...and as I watched the love of my life read these words I watched him start to break again. He held so strong when everyone was watching before he was the glue the strength our family needed to get us through those wretched day. Does he have what it takes to do it once again?