I saw that simple question and fell to peices. Blubbering, ugly crying. Because before my autonomic dysfunction shut down my ability to eat or drink I never knew hunger. I ate because I was bored or it was time to eat or something looked or sounded good. I ate because food was there and for no reason at all. I even joked I could never be anorexic because I liked to eat too much and I could never be bulimic because I couldn't stand the idea of wasting food.
Over about a year I slowly and systemically lost my ability to eat. Every bite I took would cause so much pain and bloating. Then I would start to belch and eventually the food would come back up. But the pain would remain. So I simply wouldn't eat, sometimes for days. But eventually and inevitably true hunger would take over. It made me realize something vital. I had never really known hunger. There are so many of us that will never really understand true hunger. But there are also so many people out there that know nothing but hunger. Even right here in our country, in our cities and towns. We don't even think about it because we have never know hunger.
Since God has healed me, I make it a point to let myself get hungry. I still have days where I eat just to be eating. But as I was slowly starving to death I learned to refocus my hunger on God. It gave me a true spiritual hunger to really know and understand God. I wanted to be so close to Him that not even a speck of dust could come between us!
That is the reason I want to feel hunger now. When I regained my ability to eat I praised God for what only He could have done. But I also felt like I somehow had to make up for lost time and eat all the things I had missed out on. That turned into gluttony. Allowing myself to fall back into old bad habbits of eating just to eat. When my stomach would hurt because I ate way too much, I would get scared, terrified that somehow I undid the amazing act of healing God had done for me.
That's the thing about God though. No matter how hard we try, we can never undo His goodness, mercy, and grace. Look at how much Isreal had to do before He cast them out. Even after He cast them out, when they humbled themselves and returned to Him, He welcomed them back with open arms! He kept His promise and gave all humanity a savior through them. Now if we accept that sacrifice, we have His Spirit in our very soul! He becomes a part of us! The God who created the entire universe wants a relationship with me, with you! That blows my mind!
We all need to learn to feel true hunger so we can truly hunger for Him! It will help us understand the hunger of those people right in front of us and stand up and do something to fix a broken system that is full of good intention, but only really helps a few. There is a real need and this pandemic has made it clear to more people than ever before. Many have been more generous than ever before. Many have used this knowledge to take advantage and even get rich off other's generosity.
I don't have the answer. But I ask you to get hungry with me! Let's learn to feel hunger together so we can turn our hunger to the living God who does have the answer! I counted down to my healing, because God told me He would heal me and I belived. Now it is time to count down to the healing of our land! 2 Chronicles 7:14 "Then if my people who are called by name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land." NLT.
