Day 290

I have to say it has been a rough week. I can't even chew gum without throwing up. I am going to keep this short because my pain is not letting up and my nausea is inscesent. To top it all off I have a migraine coming on so this week is turning out to be a real winner. 

Day 287 Fear not and look back on this when you are tempted to!

This has been such a long and treacherous storm. I have let it beat me down, weaken my faith, fill me with fear, and worst of all remove me from the closeness with God I desire more than anything in this world. In so doing it has hurt our family, our faith, and our outreach. I have to apologize to God, to my family, and to all of you for allowing fear to rule in a time when I should be clinging so tightly to God. "Fear Not" is the command most used in God's word, I knew that but was reminded of it today. There is a huge reason for that. Life, everyday, is full of circumstances that can cause us to fear. When Noah was little and so afraid because he had insight into the spiritual world that most do not, God showed me 2nd Timothy 1:7, " For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." That struck me as kind of funny because Noah's first name is Timothy. Through the years I shared it with my other children, and told them every time that fear overtook them to recall that verse. That verse along with the fact that fear is mentioned more than 500 times in the KJV Bible and "Fear not" or "Be not afraid" is written 103 times. God knows our first instinct is fear and that is why he reassures us so many times. Fear is a funny thing and 2nd Timothy 1:7 clearly tells us fear is not from God, so if it is not from God, then it must be from the devil himself. I always thought he used pride the most to trip us up, but while he uses that a whole lot, he uses fear to keep us from God's best for us. I have allowed fear to hinder my trust in God. I have known all along of His healing power and how He is going to use me in a mighty way through healing and bringing awareness to rare diseases that are treated like leprosy by the medical community. Very few doctors want anything to do with something they cannot understand or fix. From this moment on i am going to try my best not to let fear interfere with what God is doing through me, but I need your specific prayer to understand when fear is creeping in and to nip it in the bud. I am prepared for whatever comes next, and I want nothing more than for god to use me in a mighty way. I love the song. "Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms his child." Right now He is calming His child and the storm rages on and I know he is going to use this in such a mighty way. You can look back on my posts and see the days I let fear rule me, and you can see the days all I could do was let you know I was alive and what was going on physically. This blog is so much more than that, if you read what it is about, it is all about my baby boy and his Faith that God will make his mommy all better and that is why when I tweet or put it on Facebook I try to use the #faithofachild, because that is what this is all about. I am counting down the days until God heals me and after that I will count the days after healing and share all the amazing miracles God is doing daily in our lives and the lives of those around us. It is funny, even though I just got out of the hospital and I know I am about to have another surgery, it is like the weight of the world is lifted off of me. Thank You God. I now understand when the devil couldn't make me fear my illness, he filled me with financial fear, fear for my children, for my husband, fear of the silliest things, anything to keep my faith from growing because now he is filled with fear and there is nothing he can do to me!  

Day 285

I came through surgery perfectly. I am now waiting on a temporary PICC line so I can get my nutrition and meds until my line can be replaced. I have been waiting for 2 hours for my nausea meds and I am starting to get very angry because I am getting so sick. I hope I don't have to stay in this hospital too long. I hate I am missing Hope's homecoming week, and I can't go see Noah this weekend. But it is what it is, and I am surrounded by so many Godly people! Thanks for all the prayers! They are still much needed!

Day 284

This is crazy. I was so relieved, thinking I was in the clear. My initial blood cultures were normal and though I fell like total crap I was so happy to know I could be home. Go see my baby girls performance tomorrow and Friday and be here to help her get ready for homecoming. Now I have been thrown for a loop. I got a call from a doctor telling me I need to go to the hospital tonight and when I told him I haven't had a fever since Sunday he said I could wait until in the morning. What this means is I have to get on IV antibiotics, have an emergency surgery to have my line removed, likely collapsing my vein. Then stay on IV antibiotics until my blood is clean and have another surgery to have another line placed. This time in my jugular. I thought for sure this was going to happen, then thought for sure it wouldn't. Now it is. Please keep me in your prayers. Also my sister in law Kim found lumps in her breast and she won't know for sure what it is until they do a biopsy November 4th so please pray for her. I know she is scared and she is trying to be so strong for me but she covets you prayers! Also her friend also named Kim went to the ER today with a possible ruptured appendix, so yes please more prayer. I just know God is about to do something really big because the enemy is trying to break us with full force so I know that means he is running scared and he should be! 

Day 282

The first analys of my blood culture was good so as long as the final result is good and the space in the repair of my line doesn't open any farther or leak or clot off my line I should be okay to use it. The surgeon said I want to use it for as king as I can because these lines do eventually clot off the veins and then it has to be moved and I have my jugular on my right side then they have to move to the left side which almost always causes problems. I am so thankful to have such a well versed surgeon right here in Monroe. Wish I could day the same about the hospitals. Thank you all for all of the prayers. From the blood results there is no reason my fever should have shot up Sunday night and they all think it is odd that it was 96.3 all day Monday, that is even low for me. Anyway I know your prayers kept me out of the hospital and surgery and I am so glad to be home!

Day 281

After running all over town I finally got my blood cultures done at Oncology at St Francis Downtown. The surgeon's nurse made me promise to go to the ER if my temp spiked again. Hopefully that won't happen and I can go to my appointment with the surgeon tomorrow at 11. Pray I make it until tomorrow. Night in the ER is not something I care to do. I will try my best to keep everyone up to date and please forward this to everyone for prayer! 

Day 280

I know I haven't written in a while and it is because I have been so sick. Right now I need you to send this to everyone you know. I need urgent prayer. When I went to the doctor Friday my line was fine. But today in the part that was repaired there is dried blood and possibly puss. My wonderful husband starts his new job this week and I am so proud for him. But because of that he cannot miss work. I have to call in the morning and see if we still have health insurance then I have to call the surgeon about what to do. Last time there was a hole in my line the ER sent me home and said there was nothing downtown could do either. So I had to sit at my house for a week with no medication or fluids and wait and see if I would get an infection. My line is 3 centimeters from my heart so an infection would mean definite ICU and very possible death. Please pray that I have no infection and if they can't do anything here that they will airlift me somewhere that can because I can't just wait around to die. I am in so much pain and I have so much to live for. Please send this all over the world and prove the awesome power of prayer. 

Day 275

Well, Hope's party turned out so great. I think everyone had a blast and the decorations were so beautiful thanks to Misty, Lexi, and Emma! I did way too much and am paying for it now but it was all worth it for my precious baby girl! I will put up pics very soon. I go to the doctor Friday and really hope I can get a handle on my symptoms. Clint is changing jobs next week and I know he will miss his family at the hospital but he can go eat lunch with them and see them whenever he wants. I really hope he loves his new job. At the very least he will have much more time at home with the family. I know his employer hates to see him go, but I am finally going to be able to get the medical care that I have been putting off for three years now. I thank God for that and I also thank God for bringing Clint's still current work family into our lives. They have been such a huge blessing for us and I know they have sent up many prayers for us. 

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be on a position to be able to help my family and friends. I lift them up in prayer, and my sweet sister's family really needs some extra prayer. I want nothing more than to be able to make everything all better and I truly believe God will give us that opportunity the same way I know He will heal me! I don't know when, but He has never let us down, and when I think I can't take anymore He gives me peace. When things finally do happen it turns out that His timing is always the best in the world! He has shown us that over and over again. He has put amazing people in our lives that I could never thank enough for all they have done for my family. God taught me a long time ago not to worry but He has also put people in our lives to remind us how true He is. I trust Him with every ounce of my being and I know the vision He has put into my heart will happen.  A very long time ago when neither Clint or I had a job and we lost our business we went from waking up with the weight of the world on our shoulders asking, "What are we going to do today?" To waking up with peace and joy in our hearts saying, "What is God going to do today!" I am back to the second question and loving every minute of it. My biggest prayer is that when God puts us in a different position then we will remember relying on God from day to day and keep that in the center of our lives. I have watched Him use me to touch so many lives, young and old, as long as I got out of the way and let God work through me and I want that now more than ever. I will continue to keep you informed on my medical condition, but I am going to try to do it with a cheerful spirit, with joy in my heart, and light in my life! Here is something kind of funny, when I worked at the bank I always had a smile from my heart and when someone asks how I was the answer was always, "wonderful". I can remember one person once asked me if I was in a cult because I was so full of joy. I want nothing more than to be that Betsy again, and no I was not in a cult, I just prayed everyday that I would grow closer and closer to God, so close that not even a speck of dust could come between Us or my family!

Day 267

I am so proud of my wonderful husband and I can't quit bragging on my amazing children. Hope's birthday is Wednesday and she deserves the world. She told me for the longest time she thought she made me sick because she cooked blt's and that was the first time she heard me get so sick. That breaks my heart because she has been such a rock through all of this and she takes so much on herself. She is going to be an amazing mother and wife along with whatever she concours in this life. She has had so much practice and it was great when we were making cookies and brownies and candy together. Even when she was my right hand at my pampered chef parties it was all fun and we both loved those times, but now she is gone most days until 6 between her practice and tutoring then at home she is pulled in so many directions that it is overwhelming. Not so overwhelming that she doesn't make straight A's, but more than she should ever have to deal with. Thank God I have an angel here who,though she is struggling with her own demons, gives her time to do things that no one else seems to get done. You know who you are and what a blessing! 

For some strange reason my meds are doing nothing more than keeping me out of the hospital right now. They barely keep my everyday pain and nausea at bay, but for the past month every bite of food or sip of drink I put in my mouth causes a violent reaction of pain, nausea, and other violent issues that no matter what I take or what I do, once I have put something in my mouth is completely unavoidable. You would think I would stop putting stuff in my mouth and I did today, but when I wanted to eat but didn't I bloated up like I was 8 month pregnant. I have no idea what is going on with my body. In 2011 when I thought all I needed was to let my stomach rest for a few days with IV nausea meds around the clock,better known as the ZAP method, my body took a left turn and IV nutrition began. They put me on a pain patch and for the first time in years I was pain free. Now it feels like my body is taking another hard left and it is throwing me for a curve. I don't even have a local gastroenterologist so I am at a total loss for what to do. Something's got to give, other than my body that is. Just being totally honest here, sorry if it is a drag. I feel like all I do is complain and I don't want to be that person. Jeez, I am even complaining about complaining, think I better quit while I am behind. 

Day 267

I can think of nothing but my sweet, beautiful, amazing sister. She had a really tough start. Despite everything she married a wonderful man who took her for who she is and loved her through a lot of tough times that could easily tear a marriage apart. Together they have raised 3 awesome boys and taken every one of her siblings into their home along with many other "stray" people. She planned and designed my entire wedding and instilled in me a love of entertaining and planning events. She lives such a passionate life and at times it seems she does so effortlessly. After we lost Ethan, Laura protected us from all she could. I have always admired her and envied her beauty so when Facebook had mistaken me for her it made me kinda proud. She works at an oncologist office and deals with illness and what it does to families every day but she loves her job and if she can brighten someone's day then hers has been made. Thank you Laura Long for being my big sister, I love you so much! Sorry if I might have embarrassed you but I just couldn't keep it in.