Day 228

I still need to come up with a name for my foundation so I can register it with the IRS and I know it is going to be a lot of work but after going through everything I have, I can no longer stand by and let people be sent home to die because there are no protocols in place to address their specific need. I also know the power of God's healing hand and that is why we are having a service on September 14th. I know where I want it to happen but I have to get permission before I set anything up. This service is for any and all who need healing or want to be a part of a miracle in today's time because God says He is the same today and will be the same tomorrow as He has always been. My aunt gave me the idea when she was talking about when my dad was in ICU. In the waiting room we all gathered in a circle in prayer and everybody else cleared out of the room I assume because it made them uncomfortable. But after that prayer my dad went from no hope after coding on the heart cath table twice and his enzymes were that of a dead man to normal enzymes and all of the other tests  they ran 3 times because they couldn't explain it with science and said it had to be a miracle. For a heart surgeon to say it was a miracle was really something. They even ran the tests twice the next day and could do nothing but release him. I have known since I got sick that God was going to heal me but in His time. I will plan the service but I cannot know His timing. I also know other plans He has for me but it is not time to share that yet. I set up an event on Facebook and if you want to come join the event for the particulars or message or txt me. Are you ready to see Jehovah Rapha, My God who heals? I know I am! 

Day 227

I apologize for not writing for a bit. First no sleep but last night I went to bed early and slept to one this afternoon. That would be wonderful but I woke up with the migraine of all migraines. I went to bed but woke up nauseated so I am running my meds and hoping for the best. I just want to go back to bed but that is not going to happen anytime soon. A few days ago I got Elijah's school separated and set up to start school on Tuesday. I also know I really have to get started on Hope's birthday. I am having trouble concentrating  at the moment so until next time. Hopefully sooner rather than later!

Day 224 Still alive and kicking

Despite their best efforts the local emergency room was not effective in killing me. I am glad to have the use of my central line back. It is much easier to keep my nausea under control with the use of my meds. What happened to me last week really wants me to fight for people in my position because doctors cannot help what they do not understand. If no one is able to speak up about rare diseases that most physicians overlook not because they are bad physicians but simply because they do not know. Some have a God complex but I believe most are just doing the best they can to treat all of their patients and when they are told by a mentor that these odd or rare conditions are simply the new drug seekers then they adopt the view without asking the hard questions because most people I know with gastroparesis avoid the ER like the plague due to this. If their condition is deteriorated to the point that they must go to the ER it is because they have exhausted every avenue available to them and they have no choice. By the time they get to this point the medication needed is suspect to the physician who has not seen them throw up so much and so hard that they have pulled muscles and they are on the floor crying because they are doubled over in pain that they can not get rid of on their own. I know this because I have been there so many times. I have to get myself together to make my daughter's sweet sixteen more than she could dream. I also have to get my self together so I can start my foundation and turn the world on its ear and help everyone understand the truth about rare diseases and what patients go through.

Day 220 hanging in there with the#faithofachild

I am trying very hard to stay positive but circumstances are making it difficult. I hope and pray that I learn every lesson from this so I never have to be in this position again. The next two days will tell if my journey gets better or worse. It's funny how 7 years comes down to two days. If all goes well I will get to keep my line have no infection and start IVIG treatments at home, which will hopefully get me off all these other medications. It is already too late if I have an infection because it is in my heart but I can't think that way. God didn't send me back from the day I died at age 18 to take me away from the family He blessed me with that could go on without me and has for quite some time, at least the real me, but don't deserve to have the mommy they adore even in the state I am in and I so don't deserve them but they don't deserve one more hardship. My baby girl goes to school with the weight of the world on her shoulders and it makes her so mad that most of the kids worse problem is they broke a finger nail or they didn't get to go to the fancy restaurant they wanted. I wish to God that was the worst thing she had to deal with but she has had to step up and basically run this household and to sacrifice having nice things because my illness costs so much. The craziest thing about it is they don't mind. They are just happy to get the little moments they can have with me. Noah is leaving so soon and she has always had her big brother to lean on and she is scared to death of that void being there. When I went to Jackson for my "experimental" surgery I wrote letters to my husband and all of my kids because I didn't expect to survive it, but I did. In 2010 I was closer to death than I had been since I was 18 and I tried so hard to hide that from my kids but they knew. I was so frail. TPN has put 50lbs on me and I have been off of that for 6 months and though I can not hold down much of anything I cannot lose this blasted weight. I learned that I have muscle weakness due to malnutrition and that is why my body is holding on to it, my body is turning my muscle and bone into food. If anyone knows of an awesome paying computer job in a beautiful place to live with healthcare that at the very least makes sense please let me know because I am ready to get out of this black hole. 

Day 219 this is me angry

I am so very angry right now. I took my daughter to the after hours clinic because she sprained her thumb in Color Guard and I have a small hole in my central line. The doctor there said they couldn't do anything for my central line and she said I was trying to put her in Cardiac Arrest because I didn't go straight to the ER when I found it. So we left after hours and went to the ER and sat there for 3 hours supposedly they had 12 labs and radiology ordered and after 2 hours and the 4th time I was asked who prescribed me all the medication I was on and why they told me they were still looking at my labs but they never took labs and when the nurse finally came in there and blew my vessel they called her out and said that may not be necessary then they asked about my meds again and all went in a room and had a meeting about me treating me like a drug seeker when I told first I have a hole in my line and the night before that I tried to flush it and pulled out 3 decent sized air bubbles and I was having trouble controlling my nausea. But the only thing I needed was for them to fix my line so I did not get an infection or an air embolism and after another hour they copied a page out of the phone book and told me they couldn't and downtown couldn't repair my line. I should have told them to air lift me to a hospital that can handle central lines but at 10pm we finally get home Hope is exhausted and has to go to school tomorrow and I waisted the whole evening and most likely got flagged as a drug seeker. I really want to call a lawyer and shut them down because they sent me home with something that will either land me in ICU or dead. I wanted to get out of this area so bad and now I want to leave so much more. I am angry and I am sad and I am about to completely lose my mind.  

Day 218

It is late and I don't have much to say. I really hope my dear sweet husband had a good birthday. I know my brother had a great birthday. My dear friend Amy is getting test results tomorrow and I pray and believe by the power of the blood of Jesus Himself that she will have a report so good it could have only come from God! I have to take my medicine before it gets too late and doesn't do any good but I want nothing more than to never have to have another injection, patch, or pill in my life. Until then I must go because I cannot even see the words that I am typing because my pain and nausea is taking complete control. 

Day 217

This is the day that the Lord has made, 1 will rejoice and be glad in it. This journey has been one of the most difficult of my entire life. I remember many times in my past thinking that whatever I was going through at the time was the most difficult situation I would ever face. Boy was I wrong, and I really hope and pray that this is the most difficult, that I will come through the other end of my illness that has left my close knit, strong family in tatters. 
I have prayed so often that as I went through my day that I would brighten peoples lives, that I would be a blessing, that I  would put a smile on peoples faces and hearts, that God would shine so brightly through me and use me according to His will. If you are reading this, I pray that God will lift you up and fulfill the desires of your heart. I learned long ago He wants to give us just that, but we have to understand and be willing to follow His will for our lives. He has put so many desires and dreams in my life and I have spent countless hours praying that if the desires were my own and not His, that he would take them away from me. The more fervently I would pray this, the stronger those desires took root. I know He is with me, and if God is with me than who can stand against me? I often pray scripture in present tense instead of you, me; instead of Him, You. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that God is going to use my family to bring blessings to others. My entire family wants nothing more than to serve, bless, and obey. 
My nausea is at this moment consuming me and I have been trying to will it away so I can concentrate and use my words most carefully because I understand the power of the spoken word, as well as the written word. I don't want to take my medication, I just want to feel better. Recently all of my symptoms have intensified and no matter what I throw at the nausea,pain, migraines, bloating, muscle fatigue, and weakness; they just keep getting worse. My concentration is fading quickly and it is time to go take the medication I abhor.
Tomorrow is my sweet husband's birthday and all I want is to be fully present and for him to have the best birthday ever. It is my brother, Seth's birthday as well and I pray that this will be his best birthday yet. I know he is living a great new adventure in the place he has dreamed  of living for years. Earlier this month was my Nanny's birthday and she wants nothing more than to go home but that is not going to happen for her. She loved her home just off Lake DeGray near Hot Springs Arkansas. She loved tending to her garden, taking walks in nature, and just taking in and enjoying every day. She is with my aunt in Mobile, Al. and they say she is doing so much better. Recently they were here in town but I was too ill to make it over to see them and apparently they did not want to come see me because they drove very close to my home without taking the time to stop. This used to be my Nanny's house and I know we have made changes since we purchased the place from mom, but I know that is not the reason they never came by, they never come here because they have such horrible memories of this place. It has taken a long time but the darkness surrounding this house has been lifted and new life has been breathed into it. Still I don't blame them, I cannot wait to get out of this house myself. This month was also the 33rd anniversary of my brother, Ethan's death and I feel like it was finally one of healing instead of  morbid grief. In 4 days is my mother's birthday and I pray that she will let go of her guilt and bitterness so God can heal her too. She has Parkinson's, Diabetes, Sarcoidosis, Thyroid disease, and the list goes on. 
I have written all I can for now. I lift all of you up in prayer that God would heal your sicknesses, open your eyes to His will, and fulfill the desires of your heart!

Day 215

Once again it is 1 am and I am still awake. I can remember when I was pregnant I wouldn't sleep much at all. It was probably my body's way of preparing me for the months to come. I can remember baking a cake or cookies or brownies at 2am, whatever I was craving, whenever I was craving it. I remember many other nights of no sleep. I was so close to God then. I always prayed that not even a speck of dust would come between He and I, as well as my family. We made a point to center our marriage in God's will. That single resolve is what brought us through all the struggles in life that would have and should have easily ripped us apart. People always think the way we do things is very odd. Clint could have gone out of town and made more than enough money but the thought of us spending even 1 night apart was heart wrenching. We missed each other when either Clint or I was gone to work. Many nights that I spent sleepless either God had put someone on my heart and I fervently prayed for them until the Sun came up, other nights I would write, I did some of my best work when I was unable to sleep. I don't know if the lack of sleep drained my focus on everything else leaving me nothing to do but write or at times I just knew no matter how hard I tried I would never be able to rest until those words were our of my head and in the real world before I forgot them. I remember sometimes when I was so tired and I did not want to awaken anyone I would pray that God would not let the words leave me until I got them down. That makes me wonder what it must have been like to be chosen, hand picked by God to relay His very Word into what we call the Bible. I remember co-writing an Easter play that coincided with the Christmas play that had been written by others I knew. My favorite part felt truly like God was showing me exactly what happened. I wrote a prayer from Mary's heart after seeing her son beaten until he was unrecognizable and the short hours leading up to the Cross. That was some of the best work that flowed through me and somehow I lost the paper it was written on and after performing it I had a hard time recalling the words, but I wrote it again for one of my best friends in the world to perform it. The words were not exact but the truth was still there. Mary in so much pain having to watch what they were doing to her son, angry and even telling God He did not know what she was going through until it clicked, God not only knew but felt much deeper sorrow, knowing that His only Son went through all He did to save us all and also knowing that so many of us would reject Him, some blatantly and others in their ignorant bliss. In case you want to attack that last part ignorant is not stupid or evil, it is just not knowing the truth. I miss the times I was a children's minister and I would get the sermon notes and God would give me the most beautiful children's sermons. Many of the adults would tell me they got more out of my short teaching time than the rest of the service. Another funny thing is that when God is speaking to you, you may hear 3 different sermons on TV all relating to each other and to the sermon you hear at church and even down to the lessons you have in life groups. Turn the radio on and they are singing about the same thing. As humans we can all be a little dense or even stiff necked and sometimes when God is trying to tell us something it is given over and over and over again until we finally say Aha! and sometimes even think it was out idea all along. Every challenge we go through in life is to teach us and prepare us for the amazing things God has in store for us. So when you are facing a difficult challenge be sure you soak up every lesson you can from it so you don't have to apply, rinse, repeat, apply, rinse, repeat,...

Day 213

I am quickly growing weary of the constant pain and hunger. I spend most of my nights awake my mind is racing but I have no energy to get up and do anything. Just today I finally got some sleep after several days of very little but I slept until three this afternoon. By the time I was awake it was too late to call insurance, doctors, businesses, too late to accomplish much of anything. I have an amazing second grade curriculum for Elijah and it will be easy to implement as soon as I can find the time, energy, and will to get it set up. We plan to start after Labor Day but if all goes well we can start sooner. I know Elijah is so excited to get started. I still have to do back to school shopping and at this point it is going to be a nightmare going to the stores with all the other parents who either put it off until the last minute or waited until their children came home with a specific list. Either way I don't want to do it. I can probably get stuff online or go at 6 am but most stores do not open until 9 or 10. I already missed the first mandatory parents band meeting for Hope's Color Guard. I used to be the room mother, the first one there and would do whatever needed to be done. i used to be so much more than I am right now. That is the worst part for Clint, the kids, and me; if I were more lazy, if I never did so many things at one time, never cooked meals the whole neighborhood wanted to eat, never immersed myself in every aspect of my family's life; then this wouldn't be so bad. God gifted me wit so many different abilities and my body has thrown most of them away. But this is not the purpose of this blog, and I have to keep my eye on the ball.
So right now I am going to tell you some things I am immensely thankful for. My God is so good, if you have ever met Him, you know this. My family is so full of love and compassion, not just for each other, but for everyone. I am not stuck in a hospital bed, even though I may not always be able to sleep in my bed, I have been blessed with a very comfortable sofa at the center of my home so I can always be with my family. I am extremely thankful for a primary doctor who knew very little about my condition but made it a point to learn and do whatever it takes to help me. I am thankful for every breath I take, every moment with my family and sometimes even friends, prayers that if I close my eyes I can feel being poured over me like a warm blanket.
I will try not to use this as a soap box or a pity party because that is the last thing in the world I want. What I do want to accomplish is to; share the power of God's healing hand; uplift someone in need, maybe even at the end of their rope; nothing more and nothing less than God's will; if I can make a difference in just one persons life, that is what I want this blog to be for. I know people read this, but I get so very few comments and I really could use some feedback, good or bad, as long as it is in truth and love. I hope to hear from you soon!

Day 211

After yesterday I slept most of today and woke up in severe pain that refuses to go away no matter what I throw at it. I know my condition inside and out. I know and understand more about it than most physicians in this country. I now know what true starvation feels like. I also know when my cycle gets to a certain point that I want to do nothing more than eat and whatever I may eat just makes me want to eat something more. It is like having such a strong craving that cannot be filled by any morsel. I also learned years ago that when I feel that way it is because my body is in rejection mode. When I find myself wanting to eat everything in sight I know it is because I am digesting absolutely nothing. Everything I shove down my throat sits in my stomach and makes the next stage of my cycle so much worse, leading to pain I cannot control, impactions, migraines and the rest of my symptoms magnified. I also learned if I catch the starvation symptom and refuse to give in to it, to refuse to let a bite of food enter my mouth, then the next stage is so much more mild and goes away very quickly. Recently I have been unable to keep myself from eating, like I have lost all of my self control. I learned after my heart palpations started that no meal was worth my life and was able to dig my heels in and not eat there was even a long period of time when I could not eat anything. I have always been a huge foodie but I understood my condition enough to let it go for a time. Now even though every time I pull muscles throwing up, every time I get food stuck in my esophagus and it won't go up or down, every time I have heart palpitations at that moment I remember no food is worth my life I am having trouble remembering that when I want to eat. Even though I know "man shall not live by bread alone..." and Jesus tells us when you fast, not if you fast but when you fast. I feel so weak and helpless. Please pray that I will be able to let go of food for this time so I can live to enjoy it with my family when the time comes. Pray that I will stop torturing my my body because I can no longer stand to be curled up in a ball in pain. I know God will heal me in His time, I just really hope it is sooner rather than later. 

Day 210

I went to the doctor today and though I had another postponement I have my physician on my side doing a peer to peer evaluation and could have everything in order by Friday. I am so exhausted from simply going to the doctor today and I cannot wait until I can get some energy back.  I would really love to lose this extra 50 pounds put on me by my IV nutrition and kept on me because my body is in starvation mode and quickly turning my muscles into mush. I also await the days when I will no longer for no reason at all with in 5 minutes bloat up like I am 8 months pregnant and having people look at me like I am pregnant or make comments about me being pregnant. I don't blame them because it is just my belly that bloats and it looks very pregnant, but it is still quite upsetting. Anyway, pray that I will be able to get myself together so Wednesday I can take care of back to school shopping since Hope starts Thursday. I need to go take my medicine and try to recharge my battery for tomorrow, but I am still taking suggestions for a name for my foundation so I can get the process started to file for my non-profit. The clock is ticking and I am ready to start over with day 1 after healing and be able to post daily about the amazing things God is doing through me.

Day 209

Time seems to be flying by and I have yet to get anything taken care of for either my prayer vigil or Hope's birthday. I go to the doctor tomorrow and I will let you know what I find out. There is so much ground work that needs to be laid and I have less than a month. I may have to push my foundation back and focus on my baby girl and doing everything I can to make her sweet sixteen amazing. The 19th of this month is my wonderful husband, Clint's birthday and I want to make it special for him. He never wants anything for himself other than the handmade cards the kids have always made him and my grandmother's awesome coconut cake tweaked with toasted coconut. I had a really rough day today and I need to take my medicine and hopefully get some rest because tomorrow is going to be a long day. We spent the afternoon visiting with the family of one of Noah's roommates for his apartment in college and they are wonderful people. I am so excited for him in this chapter in his life and Hope starts school Thursday as a  sophomore on the color guard. Time flys so fast and I don't want to miss another moment of it. Since I have been ill, I have lost days and sometimes weeks. Pray that all goes well and please pray for my dear friends Amy and Michael, her illness is really taking its toll on their lives. 

Lots of Love

And Laughter,

Betsy

Day 205

Hello everyone, I would like make a change of pace on my blog today.  Talking about how sick I am or the awful things I am going through is not going to help anyone.  The moment I wrote those two simple sentences, taking my focus off of myself and my need and as Matthew 6:33 so eloquently states, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Our funds were depleted, we couldn't pay all of our bills, we did not know how we were going to put gas in our car for Clint to get to work, and we had almost no food left in the house.  I normally wouldn't share that personal humiliation but that humbleness and in those two sentences letting go of all of my issues a very dear friend who does not even have access to my blog knocked on my door with a check for $300.00. I cannot tell you how many times God has fulfilled our every need when I stopped asking, "What are we going to do today?" in a pessimistic attitude to expectantly asking, "God, What are you going to do today?!?" About 15 years ago, God had me memorize Matthew 6: 25-34 without a clue of how much He would use it in my life. He had me memorize Proverbs 31:10-31 and I have striven to personify the wife of noble character depicted. When I created my own line of cookies, "Heaven's to Betsy's Gourmet Cookies" on every cookie we sold or every tub of cookie dough we sold we added a verse, Matthew 4:4 "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God." Little did I know that verse would be for me years later when I would be unable to hold down any bread or food of any kind.
I have always know to make plans but expect God to chance them at any given moment. That first paragraph of this post was just that.Back to the reason behind this post is I want to hear all of your voices. I you or a friend is ill, I want to know about it. Either by my comment section, on Facebook, on Twitter or anyway you can get in touch. I also need your vision for the name of my foundation. Remember it is to connect patients with patient advocates so they do not have to fight for the care they need while fighting for their lives. I am trying to plan our first fundraiser along with a prayer meeting for healing, any and all are welcome to come and pray, or if you have a need we will be happy to pray for you as well. Please respond quickly because I need to get the name of my foundation registered with the government and my by-laws and all of that other legal mumbo jumbo taken care of. I cannot wait to hear all of your ideas!

Day 203

Today has been a very difficult one. I have no energy, I cannot get past my nausea and other issues. My pain is at this time worse than before and pretty severe in my upper right abdomen, just below my ribs.  i don't have too much to say. Hope is going to band camp every day this week and she has started cleaning houses to earn money to pay for her own birthday party. All the more reason she deserves a Sweet Sixteen of a lifetime. If you want to help either with my foundation to connect patients with patient advocates or to help make Hope's birthday one to remember, if you are looking at the full web version of this blog you will see a donate button on the side and if not I will add the link to this post. I am sorry this is so short today. I hope I will have much more interesting writings tomorrow, but until then I must rest.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=ZKCN5VYNSVJPE

Day 201

Greetings;

                This may be the most important letter I have ever written.  I implore you to take the time to read this correspondence.  This is extremely time sensitive information and your assistance is greatly needed.  Hope Hutson is my daughter and on the ninth day of October in the year two thousand thirteen she shall reach a milestone that should be celebrated without reservation, Sweet Sixteen. 

                Before she was born, her father and I prayed that she would be so full of life that she could not bottle it up and that describes her most precisely.  As a young child, even in pre-k 3 her teacher said she felt like if she needed to leave the classroom that for any period of time she knew all of her students would be in good hands with Hope. That is a trait Hope possesses to this day. Not only is she extremely kind, loving, giving, and devoted; she is also very beautiful inside and out.  Her generosity knows no bounds, she even once told me, “Mom, I know most people give to receive, but we receive to give.  She has always wanted to start a non-profit learn every way possible to assist our community.

 On top of everything else, she is quite brilliant.  She had been homeschooled until last year, her freshman year in high school. During her first year back in public school she not only thrived, but excelled.  She received the honor of being ranked number 1 in her class with an overall GPA of 4.0 but her percentage grade was above that at 103%.  She is already receiving college recruitments and has been accredited with a letter of recognition from the White House.  She is honored to be in the local chapter of the Beta Club.  Hope’s school involvement goes beyond academic to extracurricular activities.  Last year in theater for their final grade each student was assigned the writing of a poem and reciting it in front of the entire school. She took this assignment above and beyond, not only writing a poem but also arranging background music and choreographing a dance to go in the middle and at the end.  Executed so perfectly, the principal of the school found her, put his arm around her shoulder and told her how proud he was of her. He also told her that the band director wanted her on his color guard team and though tryouts were over he set up a special one for her.  She also intends to join the tennis team this year.

I have dealt with personal medical issues most of my life, but at this juncture in time everything else has taken a back seat to my illness.  When Hope was still being homeschooled, she took over the cleaning and cooking and on days when I was too ill, she taught my youngest son, Elijah, his kindergarten lessons.  None of this was expected of her, but she willingly took it upon herself.  She even took over planning birthday parties for our family and friends because our family has always put a major emphasis on birthdays.  When we decided Christmas should be about Jesus and not the gifts, we decided that on individual birthdays it should be all about that person and over time the celebration extended to an entire month.

Now after three paragraphs I am finally reaching the reason for this correspondence.  Two years ago I was so ill, I almost lost my life, but what I did not know was Hope knew how close to death I was.  I tried so hard to shield them from that, to protect them.  Knowing how difficult things were for me and after Elijah scratched his cornea with the edge of a magazine and after 3 eye doctors, we finally had to take him to the ER to sedate him to get his eye opened and examined; Hope decided to cancel her own birthday party.  She is so selfless and would give you her last dollar if she thought you needed it. Because of this and so much more she deserves the Sweet Sixteen of a lifetime.  I know two months is short notice but if you have the heart and can help please let me know.

Her color theme is baby blue, silver, and white; and she wants a scavenger hunt, homage to the “Sweet’ in Sweet 16 with an overload of sweets, hors d'oeuvres, mock tails, a photo booth, a video diary, a sign in photo frame, an amazing cake, time to mingle and time to dance specifically no dirty dancing or lyrics.  She has big dreams including a baby blue Mustang, meeting Big Time Rush and going to a concert, meeting John Cena, Cody Rhodes, and other WWE superstars and going to Raw or a Pay-Per-View. Naturally, Wrestle Mania is her favorite.  She also loves Ellen and all she does to brighten peoples lives; Rachel Ray, and even does a show very similar to hers as she is creating recipes.  Superman is her favorite superhero but she has grown to love the new CW series Arrow.  If I had it in my power, I would make all of this happen for her because she more than deserves it and it would in no way diminish her humbleness.

She loves to write stories and songs, singing and dancing are passions of hers along with acting and most of all making people laugh and smile from their heart. Her beauty is unmatched and she has even been accused of wearing too much makeup when she had none on.  I have to say her best trait is her openness and honesty, and that never fails no matter what the circumstance may be.

Day 200

I got to see my sweet niece Katie today for the first time in a long time. I really hope we will be seeing much more of her. When she was young she was stuck in a mess and I wanted nothing more than to adopt her and her brother but all I could do was pray for them. Since then our family has adopted many young ladies and gentleman. We enjoy being a safe place for everyone to land and there are many still young and many who are adults who still thing of us as their second home, second parents and I wouldn't have it any other way. I used to cook and bake for everyone. If someone had a birthday they got a cake here no matter what else they had planned. I really hope I will have the ability to make all the special food for Hope's Sweet Sixteen, especially her over the top cake.

For some reason my pain is getting worse and my symptoms are progressing at a rather rapid rate. Sure I can get my doses of medication raised but I would much rather God's healing power to get me off of all medication. I am unsure without help I will be able to pull my foundation together in time but I still want to have my prayer session the weekend before or after September 8th. August 19th is both my husbands and my brothers and my husbands aunt Patsy's birthday. Clint will be 39 and though our children birthdays are a really big deal, he never wants anything for himself. He is such a kind, giving, loving, close to perfect man. Even after almost 18 years if marriage, when I look in his eyes he still makes me melt, when I am in his arms I feel like I am in the safest place in the world. Before I met him, my mouth had a permanent frown, just the natural look on my face; but after I met him he has given me a permanent smile. For the longest my face would hurt from smiling so much. With him it wasn't just my mouth smiling, my eyes and my heart were smiling, overwhelmed with Joy over the man God created for me and for our children. I do wish everyone could have a man as wonderful as mine but I also know he is one of a kind. Sure we are weird, but we are wonderfully weird an I wouldn't have it any other way! I have a friend at MD Anderson and she could really use a good report, some encouragement, so please take a moment to day a prayer for this amazing lady named Amy!