Day 215

Once again it is 1 am and I am still awake. I can remember when I was pregnant I wouldn't sleep much at all. It was probably my body's way of preparing me for the months to come. I can remember baking a cake or cookies or brownies at 2am, whatever I was craving, whenever I was craving it. I remember many other nights of no sleep. I was so close to God then. I always prayed that not even a speck of dust would come between He and I, as well as my family. We made a point to center our marriage in God's will. That single resolve is what brought us through all the struggles in life that would have and should have easily ripped us apart. People always think the way we do things is very odd. Clint could have gone out of town and made more than enough money but the thought of us spending even 1 night apart was heart wrenching. We missed each other when either Clint or I was gone to work. Many nights that I spent sleepless either God had put someone on my heart and I fervently prayed for them until the Sun came up, other nights I would write, I did some of my best work when I was unable to sleep. I don't know if the lack of sleep drained my focus on everything else leaving me nothing to do but write or at times I just knew no matter how hard I tried I would never be able to rest until those words were our of my head and in the real world before I forgot them. I remember sometimes when I was so tired and I did not want to awaken anyone I would pray that God would not let the words leave me until I got them down. That makes me wonder what it must have been like to be chosen, hand picked by God to relay His very Word into what we call the Bible. I remember co-writing an Easter play that coincided with the Christmas play that had been written by others I knew. My favorite part felt truly like God was showing me exactly what happened. I wrote a prayer from Mary's heart after seeing her son beaten until he was unrecognizable and the short hours leading up to the Cross. That was some of the best work that flowed through me and somehow I lost the paper it was written on and after performing it I had a hard time recalling the words, but I wrote it again for one of my best friends in the world to perform it. The words were not exact but the truth was still there. Mary in so much pain having to watch what they were doing to her son, angry and even telling God He did not know what she was going through until it clicked, God not only knew but felt much deeper sorrow, knowing that His only Son went through all He did to save us all and also knowing that so many of us would reject Him, some blatantly and others in their ignorant bliss. In case you want to attack that last part ignorant is not stupid or evil, it is just not knowing the truth. I miss the times I was a children's minister and I would get the sermon notes and God would give me the most beautiful children's sermons. Many of the adults would tell me they got more out of my short teaching time than the rest of the service. Another funny thing is that when God is speaking to you, you may hear 3 different sermons on TV all relating to each other and to the sermon you hear at church and even down to the lessons you have in life groups. Turn the radio on and they are singing about the same thing. As humans we can all be a little dense or even stiff necked and sometimes when God is trying to tell us something it is given over and over and over again until we finally say Aha! and sometimes even think it was out idea all along. Every challenge we go through in life is to teach us and prepare us for the amazing things God has in store for us. So when you are facing a difficult challenge be sure you soak up every lesson you can from it so you don't have to apply, rinse, repeat, apply, rinse, repeat,...