Day 258

Thank God I am finally back on my TPN. After going through a major impaction I am starting to feel a little better. I have to say this was one hard day and I hate my sister-in-law got here while I was shaking in pain and unable to hold my tears back. I hate for anyone to see me at my worst, knowing there is nothing they can do to help and nothing the hospital will do to help. On that note, if anyone knows of a place far from here that needs a system administrator or an IS team lead I would love to hear about it so my wonderful, amazing, sweet husband can put in for it. I always thought I would want to live in one certain place or another, but where ever God may want us to go, I am there. I am ready to be somewhere that people are compassionate and care about their job and their town. A place where I would be proud to call my home, where healthcare is not a joke. Even before my Grandfather passed away he would say the hospital here is where you go to die. I believe they caused his death because they drew a large amount of fluid from around his heart and lungs and sent him home. I know he was weary and ready to go home but I remember him talking to me about many of his friends who went in for something simple and by the end of the week they were dead. I know it is but by the grace of God they did not cause my death because I have many accounts where protocol was not followed, and my life was endangered by the very people who were supposed to be helping me.
I know I keep talking about it, but I am so passionate about anything I can do to help people who do not have a voice of their own. My illness has taught me so much about life, people, pain, and humility. At this moment I have no idea how we are going to make Hope's birthday all she wants it to be. I have no idea how we are going to go to Ochsner and see the neurologist that if he cannot help me, he can lead me to help. I have no idea how we are going to get caught up on our bills or buy groceries to feed our family this month. Here is what I do know, in Matthew 26, God tells us not to worry about these things. He knows what we need and as long as we seek Him first, then He will supply all of our needs. I have personally seen this time and again. Besides worry always makes my symptoms worse.