Day 242 I will dance with the #faithofachild

I have another interesting story to tell if you are eager for a deeper look into my soul. I think I was born a dancer. They say once a dancer always a dancer and I hate to say it is true. Though I no longer have the body of a dancer it is still ingrained in my soul. As a child I took ballet and I loved it. Just as I was to start Toe I changed schools and left ballet behind. It would be 4 years before I returned to dance my Sophomore year I made the dance team and just as I left ballet before I started Toe, I left the dance team before becoming a UDA all star and state champion. The reason I left ballet was because I though I could leave my childhood pain behind with it. You see I never cracked, never cried, never broke, until my mother was 10 minutes late picking me up from dance class. I was the only child left there and as I sat on a swing waiting I began to wail, crying without consolidation. I remember that day well but I didn't know my did. She wrote a story about it. I always seems so strong so unshakable. When Ethan died I asked her the hardest question you can ask a grieving mother, "Why does he look like that?" She explained that he was swollen from the bruises and the other was where his bones had broken. She answered with such composure but she didn't know that she didn't really answer my question. He looked like that because he wasn't there, that was just a shell. For those few years she thought I had it all together until she came to get me from my dance class. She knew I wasn't crying because I thought she wouldn't be there, it was because I was so fragile and just 10 minutes made my whole world come crashing down on me. I knew Ethan would never be back and I knew I could lose anyone just as quickly. 

I didn't leave my pain behind with my ballet, I always found comfort in dance. Now you ask why did I leave the dance team when I was at the top of the heap? I was still just as fragile and when I had been cut from the easiest dance of the year without explanation of what I had done wrong I broke again. I continued to practice for the championship but I knew they were all talking about me, even the teacher, our sponsor, who was supposed to be my support was talking about me behind my back to the other girls. That was the day I decided to leave. I still loved to dance and would do it in my own way and my own time. As my family grew we would dance together all day long. I would put on music and dance as I cleaned, cooked, and took care of my children. One day several months ago I was in my room listening to music with my daughter and the song from flash dance came on and I could not help myself. I sang with all my strength and danced as if nothing were wrong with me and my daughter just smiled. She saw a glimpse of the mom I was before I got sick. Just now I was in the kitchen and stretched and danced as if I were still a ballerina. Dance is still in my soul and I will use it to claim my body back. Even if my nutrition has to come from an IV and I have to take medication every day for the rest of my life, as long as I have a spirit within me I will sing and dance for me, for God, who gave me the gifts, and for my family, who are my greatest gifts!