Day 43

This is going to be a short post because I fell asleep with my computer I'm my lap last night in the middle of my post. I slept most of the day yesterday last night and most of today and the crazy thing is I am ready to go back to sleep now. I pray that Amy is doing better and her family is in good spirits. I spent the small part of the day that I was awake searching for my thermometer because I know I have to keep a close eye on my temp and I kept going from being freezing to burning up. I finally found a disposable thermometer in my first aid kit and my temp was normal. Clint is going to get me a thermometer tomorrow and I am going to get my nurse out here. I have so much stuff I have to take care of from financial stuff to Noah's graduation to Hope's drivers Ed to Elijah's school and so on and so forth and I only have so much energy and I only have so much time in one day that I can be up and lucid and take care of stuff so I have to cram what normal people do on a week into 2 or 3 hours tops and remember what I did and what still needs to be done and I have to admit it gets to be a bit overwhelming. Sometimes people expect me to be the Betsy I was before I got sick, the mom that took care of everything, the wife that was a strong support and took care of what needed to be done, the friend that was there to listen and let God speak through me and use me to help other people. We have never had much financially but our children are proud of our quaint home. Now more people show up more than ever before and it is not the clean fresh home I used to keep. This house was so clean when we got home from New Orleans and just the act of me setting up my medical equipment and supplies took up half of the living room. I said I was going to keep this short and here I am going off on a tangent when I need to get my medication started because my pain is overwhelming me right now and it is making it difficult to breathe so I need to go and get some rest from all the resting I have been doing. That sounds just plain crazy but some day are just plain crazy. I know God will heal me in His time and right now I need to follow His will, read His Word, and live His Truth!
Lots of love
And Laughter,
Betsy

Day 42

I know it is very late and i am not going to write too much. After surgery my pain was primarily on the surface, today it has moved to the interior and is much stronger. I spent most of the day sleeping and trying to fight off a fever but I can't find my thermometer so I have no idea how high it keeps getting. I did something really stupid today. I twisted funny and bent down to pick something up. I cannot do anything to get that immense pain to go away and I really hope and pray I didn't do any major damage. I want to ask everyone to please pray for a dear, sweet friend, Amy. She and her family are so amazing. She has been battling cancer that has now mastitis to her bones. She is at MD Anderson and had an ex-ray show she has a fracture in her upper arm. The doctor recommends surgery and radiation. With all the things she and her family have been going through, they have been there for us in every way possible. They even called to ask if they can buy our family dinner Tuesday because another friend of hers is having a fundraiser to get assistance for his cancer. Truly amazing people. I fell asleep with my blog up sp later

Day 41

I am so glad to be spending the weekend home with my family. I feel the stitch itch meaning they are healing and I am doing everything I can not to scratch. We are catching up on our favorite shows and I am trying not to do much of anything. Elijah had a breakdown earlier because Hope gave him back a noise and light gun he got from the circus 2 years ago and it was under his blanket and he stepped on it and broke it. Well that was the straw that broke the camel's back and he just started sobbing. I got down on the floor with him just to hold him and that's when I realized I had surgery a week ago and that wasn't a good idea, but I could not get up. His foot was hurting and I tried to make him let me look at it but he refused. It reminded me of the time Noah was Elijah's age and he was down at the neighbors house climbing a tree I told him was not a good idea to climb. He fell out of the tree and started loudly crying. I ran down there and all he could talk about was the hole in his favorite dinosaur shirt because he knew we couldn't replace it. I got him home and finally convinced him to take the shirt of and that was when I saw the real problem. He landed on a stick and had a huge gash in his chest. I thought we should go to the ER but he kept saying he didn't hurt he just couldn't quit crying about his shirt. To this day he has a scar on his stomach, he grew but the scar stayed low. That story reminds me of yet another story. We went into a store that had small buggies and I strapped then 3 year old Hope into the buggy and before I could stop Noah, he stood up on the side of the buggy. He pulled the buggy down on top of himself and Hope's face bounced twice on the concrete floor I got her out of the buggy as quick as I could, she was screaming so loud and there was blood coming out of her nose and her mouth. I was panicking and they called an am ambulance, by that point I realized Noah was still on the floor under the buggy. I kept asking him if he was hurting anywhere and he kept saying he was fine. He was so still and quiet in the ambulance and the look on his face told me be was in pain and he was scared. After we left the ER he finally admitted he hurt, he could have broken a rib, he did at least bruise them but he was so scared because he thought it was all his fault and that he hurt his baby sister, probably even broken her nose. He would not say he was hurt because he was so scared of getting in trouble and medics look a bit like cops and he thought he was going to jail. Hope turned out to be just fine, no concussion amazingly, and no scars on her beautiful angelic face. He has always been so sweet natured, always worried about others, never himself. Going all the way back to pre-k he would put himself between bullies and the kids being bullied because he would rather getting hurt himself instead of seeing someone else get hurt. After a while he became the object of bullies but still said he would rather get hurt instead of anyone else. Even when someone would hit him and we told him it was okay to defend himself, he would not hit anyone because he didn't want to hurt them, even the ones that hurt him. This is a glimpse into Noah's amazing sweet nature and I still have to tell you how he saved my life... Still a story for a other day.

Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy

Day 40

Sorry I did not write yesterday and it is 20 minutes until tomorrow but I wanted to write. I am starting to heal from my surgery and it doesn't even feel like there is an empty space where the objects were removed. I know I still have to be very careful just putting a load of clothes on to wash and to dry made me feel very ill. Thank God I have the most amazing children in the world, they took care of the house work so Clint didn't have spend his whole weekend after getting back from the long difficult weeks of taking me to New Orleans, caring for me there, and this week all of the care I needed here.I know this pacer removal is going to cure me anymore than having the pacer implanted would. It was designed to only help with the symptoms and it did a great job for 6 months. I am ready to move on to the next stage of my healing process. i hope it doesn't take as long to get to Mayo in Jacksonville as it took to get to Ochsner. I have been round and round with no real help. I know that is going to change soon. I also feel like we are going to have the financial breakthrough we so desperately need. Asking people for help is such a humbling experience, but I know it is part of the process God wants to bring us through to refine us into the people He created us to be. You may not believe in God, but I have seen so much proof of Him in our lives. Everyone that I know of that were Atheists and went on a quest to disprove God, could only find proof that He is real. I don't want to step on anybody's toes or anything. I just believe what I believe and know what I know. My religion? No, I have a personal relationship with The Most High God, the One who created the universe and all of its mysteries. The One who created us. We were created for a loving relationship and given a free will because love is not true if it is forced. We were given the option, love and be loved, or ignore, refuse, or whatever we choose. Most "Church" people look down their noses at others for so many reasons but the truth is those "church" people are no different, no better than anyone else. Christ was the only One who came to this world without sin and took our sin upon Himself on the Cross so we could have a loving relationship with our Heavenly Father. To me no one sin is worse than any other, and sin condemns us to an eternity without God, an agonizing eternity that by one simple act of love we can avoid. I did not start this blog to preach and did not even start this post to head in that direction. That being said, my hope, prayer, and belief for healing comes directly from that God. So I hope you embrace my words and follow me through my healing.

Lots of Love
And Laughter,
Betsy