A good question.

My Granny asked me a very good question. She asked why I thought it took so long to get my healing. She went on to ask if it took me that long to have enough faith to be healed. I told her I had complete faith all along that God would heal me. But the answer is so simple. God's timing is perfect. He new when He would heal me and everything I would go through to that point. He knew what I would go through afterwards. Most of all He knew things I will never know or understand. Isaiah 55:9 says, " For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." I do know this, His timing will be used to change lives. If you need a mirical in your life, I am here to tell you that you can have it. Matthew 15:30 says, "A vast crowd brought to Him people who were lame, blind, crippled, those who couldn't speak, and many others. They laid them before Jesus and He healed them all." He healed everyone who came to Him. It was not just for select people and that remains true today. There is only one thing you have to do. It is also the only thing God requires of us for salvation. So that is very interesting how Jesus often tied the two together. You simply have to believe, to have faith. Jesus says in Matthew 17:20 " I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." So I understand why Granny asked if it took that long for me to have enough faith. Faith is the key to your mirical. Sometimes God has a plan and your mirical is delayed. But I promise just as Jesus healed all who came to Him, He will heal you. Coming to Him is an act of faith and that is all you need!

Deeper Understanding

I just want to let everyone know I am much better. Healing can come quickly when you have true joy and true peace in your life! I have been able to give complete and true forgiveness because after Jesus gave His life on the cross to pay for my sins what right do I have to hold anything against anyone? Bishop Sandy Miller said, " No blessing goes uncontested." That is true in the bible as well. Psalms 41:6 "They visit me as if they were my friends, but all the while they gather gossip, and when they leave, they spread it everywhere." For those of you that have been given misinformation about me or simply do not understand the disease I had. I had a very real, very ugly, incurable disease that would have led to a multivisceral transplant if God had not miraculously healed me! I was a part of 2 research studies that I had to follow certain guidelines including no medication to alter the tests. In both of those studies I was deemed the worst case involving patients from all over the world. Even though I was the worst case, several people in the study died. I got to know a few of them. I followed one young girl from Florida who got married and passed less than a year later. When the doctor who diagnosed me told me there was nothing he could do for me I thought he was being cruel and unprofessional. I thought he simply did not want to deal with this ugly disease, and he did not. But he was simply being honest, there was really nothing anyone could do. I should know, I went to the top specialist in the U.S. Most people still do not understand the pain associated with this disease so I will try my best to explain it. When an organ fails to function or does not function properly it causes great pain. If you have ever had a stomach virus and been doubled over in pain from it, multiply that pain times 3 and you will come close. It is a combination of pain from the immense pressure of gas building up and never being able to pass gas, a feeling like someone is taking your insides and squeezing and twisting them while simultaneously stabbing you multiple times, and because mine was neurological a burning from neuropathy or my nerves dying. Sometimes at the beginning it would come and go in an undetermined cycle. Sometimes it would last for days, others weeks, but as my disease progressed it never went away. Still I would take no pain medication for years. I was once refused IV fluids by a doctor. IV FLUID! The very next day I ended up in the hospital for a week. Sometimes I would get a migraine in my stomach. If you have ever had a migraine you know they are no joke so just imagine that centered in your core. There was also the pain from vomiting so severely that I pulled muscles in my back and chest.  Once I could no longer take the constant pain, I did go to pain management. Where they monitor you and drug test you every month to be sure you are not abusing anything. Even then I did not take all of the medication prescribed. I still have a years wort of medication. It did help me to function somewhat and I am so grateful for the relief it provided. I think the reason some people had a hard time believing how serious my illness was, was because I was faking something. I pretended to be okay or as okay as I could. I would sometimes eat at events or go to eat with people because when I would meet people and not eat it would make them feel very uncomfortable. So I would eat and then privately go throw up. But every time I ate or even pretended to be okay, I would pay for it drastically. For one day I would sometimes be down for a week or two, but I assumed it was worth it and for most people it was. When people would say, "But you don't look sick." They had no idea how painful that was, even if they were being nice. There are many diseases where people don't look sick, but they are in some of the worse pain imaginable. The pain wasn't the only issue. I was literally starving to death. Even if I ate, I would either throw it up or not digest it. I never knew what it was like to be hungry before I got sick. I would eat because it was time to eat or because something looked or smelled good. I would forget to eat because I was not hungry. When I was sick I was hungry all of the time but I was also terrified to eat because of the repercussions I would face. God got me through all of that and more. I did not realize when I was making and selling "Heaven's To Betsy's Gourmet Cookies" on which every cookie or package of cookie dough, the verse God gave me would be for me. Matthew 4:4 "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God." He sustained me when "bread" could not. I hope this helps you understand a bit better what I went through and in understanding, I hope it helps you see that God can bring you through whatever you are going through.

Shattered

I am completely and utterly shattered. I cannot sleep and I cannot stop crying. I think the thing that hurts me worse than anything is knowing I hurt someone deeply. For a little while I just need to be shattered and mourn. I need to let all of the pain in and learn everything I can from it. You see, I know a truth about what being shattered really means. The mosaic God will make out of the tiny fragments will be so much more beautiful then the original could have ever been. Not only more beautiful but also so much stronger because it will be woven together with the gold of God's love and grace. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying you have to shatter something or someone or most especially yourself to get the full spectrum of beauty and strength it has to offer. What I am saying is when shattering happens, it's okay to be sad. It's okay to let the full scope of it overtake you for a short time. As long as you know it is not the end of the story. Let God pick up those pieces one by one and weave them together so elegantly with the pure gold of His love and grace. Let Him make you more beautiful and stronger than anyone could have ever envisioned! It takes time, but it is worth every gut wrenching agony every step along the way. I pray often for wisdom, and when God shares a bit with me I want to share it with the world. I am writing this blog because I want to share with the world what He has done for me. How He healed me of such an ugly, incurable disease. I started this blog long before He healed me because I knew He would. Guess what? He did! That doesn't mean my life will be all sunshine and roses. I knew that from the beginning. I just want to make sure that every pain in my life is not a wasted opportunity. I have often said when you have pain in your life you have a choice. You can either let it make you better or it will make you bitter. I have seen firsthand the cost of bitterness. It causes people in pain to hurt others which can lead to a vicious cycle. So feel your pain, then choose to let it make you better. I promise you will be better than you could have ever imagined!

Set free

I want nothing more than to not only keep away from all evil but also to keep away from the appearance of all evil. I relized I have made many mistakes. And my actions and words have been twisted. If I have hurt or offended anyone with my words or actions, I am so sorry. I can only try every day to do better. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. We are bent toward our sinful nature. Belief and faith doesn't make us perfect, in fact it helps us see our shortcomings. There are times when people think we think we are better than them in some way and there are times when we let ourselves believe we are somehow better without admitting it to ourselves. I can tell you I know I am not better than anyone. What I am is blessed. I am truly blessed! If I can somehow obtain God's favor to be healed then I am here to say anyone can. I think back on all who were healed by Jesus. They all have one thing in common. They went to Him. All you have to do is go to God believing that He can and He will!