The thing is I don't want this to be a sob story, never have. Not a poor me or whatever. This is a journey to the day when by God's will alone I will be healed, but who wants to hear how I can't keep my pain and nausea under control, how I throw up every single day, sometimes up to 8 times a day. Who wants to hear how I am too weak to get up and walk to the bathroom without holding onto the wall, to weak to get up and clean a mess that is driving me insane.
I'm just so weary. Sinking into a deep dark hole that I can't do anything about. I used to be so vibrant, done so many jobs, cleaned rather I was singing or fussing, put together elaborate parties, had so much fun with my family. I miss me so much. I want to live, really live, not just be.
So, I think you get the drift. I don't post because I just can't find my sweet sweet spirit that has changed so many peoples lives. People would ask how I was and the response was always with a huge smile, wonderful. Now I dread that question because I just want to scream and cry and say, you really don't want know. Instead I just say ok or not so good. Right now my pain is so strong that it is blurring my vision so I guess I need to stop typing before it turns to jibberish, not that what I am saying is much better.
Anyway, if I miss some days now you know why. I hope you will stick with me through this journey and I find the poetic voice God blessed me with.
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