Day 429

Yesterday was quite a doozy. After being up all night Monday with my thoughts an hour after I finally went to sleep 9am I got a call from my dad saying mom was in the hospital with chest pains. I had my usual insomnia migraine and I got some very disheartening news about my medical situation. I took care of all the much needed business that I could after about an hour of sleep then my body made a choice, break down or shut down, so I just went to sleep. I awoke 2 hours later and had a nice evening with my family. Tuesday night I had a full night of sleep and Wedbesday I awoke made sure Elijah had food talked to the bank then shut down again. This time I slept all day and most of the evening so I am not surprised that I am awake. The problem is that in just a few hours I have to get up and take Hope to School and Clint to work so I can go to one of my 2 doctor appointments tomorrow and I am so nervous because I have been hitting so many brick walls so hard lately that I am afraid I might lose the best doctor I ever had because like all the others there is nothing he can do but help me manage the symptoms and my symptoms are out of control with everything we are throwing at them. I have another doctor visit Friday.  I am afraid of every one of these appointments, have no idea what to expect and less and less reason to be hopeful. I put a call in to the neurologist in New Orleans who said he couldn't help me but knew a doctor that was a guru in my condition. He referred me last year and the week before the appointment my insurance refused to cover it. Now that I have new insurance I tried to set up the appointment on my own at my local doctors advise but the wait list was so long they were not seeing any new patients. I am still hopeful that either my dr or this neurologist can get me an appointment with the guru or someone else who can help. I just hope I don't break down completely and have no words for my doctor. Our house is falling apart right along with my body and there is nothing I can do about either one of these situations so here I go. I let it go, give it all to God and don't want to take any of it back. Lord, I need you now more than ever. Only You have the power to heal me and fulfill the desire You put in my heart! It's all yours, I won't try to do it my way anymore. I wait for You, I give it all to You, Your will no matter what that may be is the only will I want!