God, will you please heal me!

     I know the Bible tells us that God will not give us anything beyond what we can bare, but I am right at the edge of that and I don't want to fall off that cliff. The repercussions from Saturday are worse pain today. I slept most of the day yesterday missing some extremely important calls. Now I am awakened at 3am from my severe pain. I know I cannot put another bite of food in my mouth for a while, so please pray for the strength from God to just say "No Thank You" to food. My body has been through so much throughout this illness and it is really catching up with me. I have so much I need to do this week, from teaching Elijah to getting ready for this Town of Sterlington Garage sale this Saturday. Anything we can earn will be so helpful, I get that everyone has their own financial issues, from people making no more than us to people making 3 times our salary due to improper budgeting. I am amazed what Clint can do with our income and how he can calm and put everyone he comes across at ease. The amount of work and quality of work he does is truly deserving of an increase in salary and I pray that he gets that, I also want to learn how to make income online during the hours I am coherent and not teaching Elijah or spending time with my family.
      I have to say a very special thank you to my sister-in-law, Kim. She is here every week, sometimes every day and if there is a mess she cleans it. She doesn't ask for anything in return, she is just here for me whenever I need her and whatever I need her for. She hasn't always made the best choices in life, but when it comes down to it she is here for our family and I don't know how we would do it without her! From the depths of my soul Thank You Kim, we love you so much and I pray that God heaps a double blessing on you because you have been such a blessing to us.

This is getting old

Before getting my sister-in-law, Kim's birthday dinner and cake ready, I had a really bad day. I am so used to being too sick to eat but when I take my nausea medication I feel a little better and realize I am starving. Now for most of you eating is a way of life, it's your nourishment, your energy, your socialization. For me eating is literally killing me. I have to rely upon TPN for my nourishment. I just did something really stupid last night I had a big soft pretzel and some cheese sticks. Something happened that never happened before, and if there was a half decent hospital around here I would have gone straight to the ER. I got so sick my stomach inverted. It hurt insanely bad. But i made it through the day and I think I have gotten back to the point, no food, no matter how good is worth my life. Thank God and my family I was able to get through the day and enjoy my family. I know I am going to be hurting for a while which will remind me not to put any food in my mouth. Right now I have to go take my meds so I will try to write again tomorrow.

It's been a while

I have been stuck in a holding pattern while my doctors and insurance decide what to do next. I had a really difficult month last month. No matter what i couldn't control my symptoms. Now I am back on an even keel for me anyway. I am waiting on my neurologist now, because insurance will not cover IVIG because even though I had a better quality of life, there was no change in my gastric emptying test. The next thing they are supposed to try is Solu Medrol but it has been months and still waiting.
     I am going to try to start another blog or maybe even a vlog because I cannot work. We have a senior in high school and I am homeschooling our 4th grader. Between the cost of regular family expenses and my medical expenses I have to figure out a way to make money from home. I cannot do a regular at home job because I never know what my body is going to decide to do, so I have to figure out how to make the internet work for me so please pray that I will find a meaningful way to contribute to our family's living expenses.
     Our house desperately needs repair and Clint is working as fast and hard as he can to repair and remodel, but something new always seems to break or pull attention from what needs to be done. Hope is about to turn 18 and I want to try to make her birthday special. She needs a whole lot this year, from a computer and a vehicle for college to simple things like bedding, towels, and the like.
     God has given Clint an amazing mind for business but without capital he cannot do any of it. He intends to remodel this house all by himself and I love the layout and all the little features he wants to do but at the end of the day there is just not enough time or money for him to build our sanctuary. He gives every ounce of himself to a job that should be paying him more because he goes above and beyond in every aspect of his life, but he needs desperately to have time and peace to recharge because I have to deal with being sick all the time, but he has to deal with me being sick, knowing there is nothing he can do for me and that he is going to have to deal with the ramification on the house and the family.
     I really need to be able to contribute, even if it is in some small way to get our family and our remodel back on track. i have been so sick for so long, I don't even remember what it means to feel good. It can get really discouraging for all of us, I truly believe god is going to heal me in His time, I just wish it was sooner rather than later. I will try to keep my blog updated as I am starting a prayer and a spiritual journal. Who knows, maybe I will even be able to get my book published.
     Back to the mountian of laundry and dishes, paperwork and phone calls that won't get done today.
Because I am going downhill fast and when I finally break down and take my medicine I will be no good to anyone.

Gastroparesis sucks

There is nothing good about gastroparesis. And when you are a foodie like me it really sucks. I love to eat but now if I eat I throw up for hours. That's not the only thing though. I love to cook and bake and come up with new recipes, I even have my own line of cookies. I love planning big events and not only making food that looks decadent but tastes even better. I miss hanging out with my family. I miss living my life while the years go by so fast. Elijah will be 10 in January and he still has complete faith God will heal me and so do I. I know its in His hands but I really hope it's sooner rather than later