This is getting old

Before getting my sister-in-law, Kim's birthday dinner and cake ready, I had a really bad day. I am so used to being too sick to eat but when I take my nausea medication I feel a little better and realize I am starving. Now for most of you eating is a way of life, it's your nourishment, your energy, your socialization. For me eating is literally killing me. I have to rely upon TPN for my nourishment. I just did something really stupid last night I had a big soft pretzel and some cheese sticks. Something happened that never happened before, and if there was a half decent hospital around here I would have gone straight to the ER. I got so sick my stomach inverted. It hurt insanely bad. But i made it through the day and I think I have gotten back to the point, no food, no matter how good is worth my life. Thank God and my family I was able to get through the day and enjoy my family. I know I am going to be hurting for a while which will remind me not to put any food in my mouth. Right now I have to go take my meds so I will try to write again tomorrow.