My Reason

My sweet Elijah has used every wish, every prayer, every day to ask for my complete healing. I knew in 2008 because God told me when I first started getting really sick that things were going to get much worse but He would heal me only when His timing is right and He receives the glory for my healing. For those of you that do not know, I have Idiopathic Gastroparesis caused by a genetic condition known as Autonomic Dysfunction. I am currently on IV nutrition through a central line and on several medications. I had a gastric pacer implanted in 2010 to alleviate some of my symptoms and it worked well for 6 months but my nerves quit responding and I finally had it removed this January. In other words it did get much worse. I start this blog now because I know God will not let my baby's faith die.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Day 448

At the moment I am clear headed, in no pain, feel no nausea. It feels strange to feel normal. I want to comment on a post I tweeted and sent to FB on why I felt that way. It breaks my heart to know who I used to be, who I should be, who this illness has taken from me and my family. A moment of clarity forces me to mourn the life I haven't lived in so long. Will this last a few hours? A few days? Longer? Or will I go right back where I was into the fog of my illness? Could this be the mirical healing I have been anticipating for so long? I know I will be healed. As I am writing this my pain intensifies. I suppose 4 days of sleep gives a bit of clarity but that clarity tears me up inside. I just really miss me, the real me, I want me back so bad. 
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