Day 167

I feel like I am falling to pieces right now. My teeth hurt, my jaw hurts, my head hurts, my stomach always hurts, and now it seems every muscle and joint I have hurt as well. I suppose I am just weary, worn, and done. I am so over being that sick person because I was this vibrant, fun loving, party hosting mom on the block where everyone came to hang out. I used to be so good at cooking and even have been told I should do it professionally. I used to be a safe place for my sweet husband to land whether he had a bad day or whatever. Our home would be clean and I would be there for him, my best friend in the world. Now I am just that sick person that almost everyone seems to have in their lives but deep down just knows they will never be. This blog started from an innocent child's prayer because he just wanted his mommy back. I know I wrote this already but I was so happy to take him on a mommy, Elijah date. He was on top of the world because for just a moment he had his mommy back. 

I really hope and believe that at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL I will get the treatment that I have needed for so very long. We plan to leave either Friday the 26th or  Saturday the 27th of July. I know we do not have the means to make such an expensive trip but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God will provide. For a long time I worried and wondered what kind of fundraisers we could do, any means possible to generate money but God told me it was not my place to worry. In fact He already had it under control. So I shall not worry but instead seek The Lord, trust in Him, and refuse to yank it back out of his hands. 

At this moment my pain will allow me to write no more. Time for my IV fluids and hopefully some rest. I hate dreaming about being in pain and waking up in pain but for a time this is thorn in my side I must bare. 

Betsy