Day 167

I feel like I am falling to pieces right now. My teeth hurt, my jaw hurts, my head hurts, my stomach always hurts, and now it seems every muscle and joint I have hurt as well. I suppose I am just weary, worn, and done. I am so over being that sick person because I was this vibrant, fun loving, party hosting mom on the block where everyone came to hang out. I used to be so good at cooking and even have been told I should do it professionally. I used to be a safe place for my sweet husband to land whether he had a bad day or whatever. Our home would be clean and I would be there for him, my best friend in the world. Now I am just that sick person that almost everyone seems to have in their lives but deep down just knows they will never be. This blog started from an innocent child's prayer because he just wanted his mommy back. I know I wrote this already but I was so happy to take him on a mommy, Elijah date. He was on top of the world because for just a moment he had his mommy back. 

I really hope and believe that at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL I will get the treatment that I have needed for so very long. We plan to leave either Friday the 26th or  Saturday the 27th of July. I know we do not have the means to make such an expensive trip but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God will provide. For a long time I worried and wondered what kind of fundraisers we could do, any means possible to generate money but God told me it was not my place to worry. In fact He already had it under control. So I shall not worry but instead seek The Lord, trust in Him, and refuse to yank it back out of his hands. 

At this moment my pain will allow me to write no more. Time for my IV fluids and hopefully some rest. I hate dreaming about being in pain and waking up in pain but for a time this is thorn in my side I must bare. 

Betsy 

Day 166

It's me again, Margaret. My colonoscopy went great. I had a few polyps they are sending to pathology. That for sure is not the cause of my sudden onset of iron deficiency anemia. He wanted to test for celiac but another doctor already ruled it out. I think next is a small bowel endoscopy, and after that I am not sure if they will do a bone marrow study or what. I am still having a whole bunch of pain with my stomach and my migraines and nothing I throw at it helps. I had a Toridol shot Wednesday after my scope I saw my PCP and the Toridol helped for almost 2 days but for me to get the shot I have to go in and the nasal spray is $200.00 for a 5 day supply and once you open a vial you have to throw it away in 24hrs.

I really want to see my brother, Seth and Amanda and Brookelynn before they move away.  I can't wait to see Misty, Robbie, Lexi, and Jaxeyn, They will be here to 5th. Hope is exhausted from the week of TCA camp but she did awesome on her first exhibition. This summer is flying by and before I know it we will have to be in Jacksonville, then Hope will have band camp and Noah leaves for college. I got Elijah's second grade curriculum in and I just know he will love it. There is so much hands on stuff and I will have a plan in action for my sick days, which I pray will be gone by then, where he does mainly computer based work. 

My migraine is blurring my vision and I have to take something for my nausea so I am done for today. If anyone has any needs or prayer requests please put them in my comment section so we can all pray. 

Betsy

Day 161

I spent most of Saturday, Sunday, and today sleeping. I have been so weak partly because I don't do anything anymore and partly because of my iron deficiency anemia. I spent no time with my family and no time with my dear sweet husband. I am only awake for a little while then I will take my medicine and go back to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a rough day because I have do my prep for my colonoscopy to be sure I am not losing blood that way. If that turns out not to be the problem then I have no idea what the next step is. I just woke up a few minutes ago and all I want to do is go back to sleep. Pray for me tomorrow that I survive my prep and all goes well with my test Wednesday. It is hard to imagine that my little man will be going to college in just a few short months. I want to and need to do better for my kids and my wonderful husband. Thank you all for sticking with me through this journey. I feel blessed to know so many people care and pray that all of you will be blessed and filled with joy when God heals me. I have no idea how we are going to get to Jacksonville, where we will stay, and how long we will be there but I am not at all worried because I know beyond a shadow of any doubt that God will provide. He has proven over and over that he is in control and tells us all not to worry. I think it might be a good idea to listen to Him. I have tried to do things on my on and it is like running in quick sand so once again I put it back in God's hand so He will receive all the Glory. Plus I do know there is no way on earth I can do what needs to be done to make this happen so I am glad to say I know the One who can and will. 

Lots of Love

And Laughter,

Betsy 

Day 159

Yesterday Elijah and I had our mommy and son day and even though it took every ounce of my energy it was worth every second. We went to Johnny's where he ate until he was too full to shove in another bite and then we played video games in the arcade. Next we went to the mall and got  tickets for Monsters University and he just wanted to walk around the mall because if had been so long since he has been there. After the movie in which he had popcorn coke and candy we went to build a bear  and be made a dog. That was the first time in the world he was able to go in there and make his own pal. I had to go to the bath and body works sale where I got $165 worth of product for $32. That bag was so heavy to carry around, and when I set it in the front seat, the car kept telling it to put on its seatbelt. Our last part of the adventure took us to McDonalds and home. He said it was the best day ever. It has been so long since just he and I did something. We used to go on dates  with each of the children alone and all together but lately I have been so sick I have been afraid to leave the house. I let them go with Clint because I don't want to ruin their fun when in the middle of whatever it may be, I have to go home because I am too sick and they have to suffer. I know they would all rather have me there no matter what and I try to go sometimes. After yesterday I have never seen my baby boy more happy.

I go to the doctor Monday and have a procedure on Wednesday. I will let you know how all of that goes. I think I need to go back to sleep now, but I will be back soon. 

Day 150

I know it has been awhile but I am still here. I was recently diagnosed with iron deficiency anemia. So now I have to go have a colonoscopy to be sure I am not losing blood. The worst thing is the fatigue. I am already weak and can't do much of anything but this just makes it worse. Please pray for me as I go in next Thursday for testing. I am still scheduled to go to to Mayo in Jacksonville, Florida. At this point we have no finances to make this happen but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt God does. We seek first the kingdom of God.. and all these things shall be added on to you. Clint was a bit worried the other day because finances are getting right. He was going in to work off site and found a $20 bill in the parking lot. He looked around and no one was there. He has been known to chase people down in parking lots because he saw them drop money, so God made sure there was nobody around to remind Clint that He can even rain money down from the heavens. Just a little reminder that He is and has been in control from the beginning. Noah and Hope and Krystian are away at summer camp so I hope I have the energy Friday to take Elijah on a mommy and son date to Johnny's and the movies. He has been so good this week. His second grade curriculum came in and we are both very excited. It has a lot of hands on and spatial teaching, there are tons of great learning games and on top of all of that it comes with excellent test prep material. Back to my GP, I already told you how weak and fatigued I am. If I stand up for too long or just walk across the house I am shaky and dripping with sweat which is weird because I never sweat, in fact I am always freezing. I have also been having real trouble keeping my pain and nausea under control. I pray I at least have the energy to wash a load of clothes tomorrow. I have been having really crazy dreams lately. I normally have very vivid dreams but this is a new level. I need to go take some medicine and try to sleep. Let's all keep the faith of a child!

Lots of Love

And Laughter,

Betsy        

Day 139 - 141

First my potassium was high then miraculously back to normal. Now my Hemoglobin and my Hematocrit were both low so now I have to have an Iron Panel and a colonoscopy. I have to say I am not looking forward to that. I do suppose it explains why I have been so weak and just getting up to walk down the hall sends my heart racing. Saturday  was Aunt Suzie's birthday party at Ryan's in Ruston and I knew I couldn't go but my family had a great time. So last week my bloodwork showed I was anemic and I was going to try to go in last Monday to do my iron panel but I just could not do it so I asked my doctors office to see it up with my home health nurse last Tuesday and everyday since then. Today the nurse left me a message that Dr. Richerts office would not see me and I has to go to Dr. Bhandari, who is amazing by the way, but my insurance doesn't cover him and because it has been so long since I have seen him I have to have an office visit first on June 25th before I can have my colonoscopy so I really hope I am not loosing blood from there or we are going to have a serious problem. I tried to take care of so much business this morning and everything was hold 30 minutes and then I had to call a different department. This day has been nothing but a big mess and I still have to go in to get my iron panel done. I am so weak and there is so much that has to be done  before we can go to Mayo. Our funds are once again depleted and I know God has everything under control, just when I have a day like today it can be disheartening. I am fading and really weak right now so much so that I have to correct almost every word I type. So at that I bid you adieu! 

Day 133

Last night I got this overwhelming sense of peace. I closed my eyes and could see us in Jacksonville, Florida. I have to admit until last night I had no idea how we would get there, where we would stay, how we feed our family while we were there and still manage to pay all of our bills here. I know how awesome our God is, but still I worried. Last night The Lord brought to the front of my mind Matthew 6;25-34. Several years ago I memorized that entire passage of scripture. We needed in the past and God knows how we need it now. I will not worry or even try to figure out what I can do to make it happen. I just know He will provide and I trust Him, because if I can trust my husband and children who are human and will make mistakes, how can I not trust God? He is the only one perfect and  sense I know my family will do what they tell me they they will, I must know above all else that God will do what He promised through His written word.

On a lighter note, Noah has all he needs for college taken care of. He goes next week to honors orientation, and it won't be long before he heads to LA Tech. It is hard to believe my little man is now grown into a man. Hope is busy this summer too. Between drivers Ed and color guard, summer camp and band camp, leading VBS at Faith and spending time with her friends; she is one busy young lady with a 4.0 GPA. This October will be her sweet 16 and I don't know how I am going to top some of the amazing birthday parties we created for her in the past. Then there is my sweet Elijah. I ordered his second grade homeschool kit from Timberdoodle and we are both very excited. It is more of a hands on approach that allows free thinking along with covering basics pretty far advanced for second grade. He already uses big words in proper concept, like, "I am parched." And, " according to my calculations..." You never know what is going to come out of that boy's mouth. When he was 3 he explained the rain cycle and did it right just by observation. Noah and Hope are smart in their own ways, different but brilliant. I cannot begin to tell you how proud of my kids I am. Noah graduating with Honors as one of a few Valedictorians. His speech was amazing and is on my You Tube channel and my Facebook.  He also played the guitar during the slide show and that morning they told him that his 3 minute song he had been working on for weeks needed to be 6 minutes, so he composed the song on the spot and it was if he had been practicing that one for weeks. Then there is Hope, who as the end of the year act on drama was supposed to write a poem and she went above and beyond, turning it into a rap, arranging background music, and added a dance she choreographed in the middle and at the end. Elijah made it through the first grade with flying colors. He has decided we are going on a camping trip in less than a month and I hate messing up his master plans, he always has elaborate plans and he doesn't like it when things don't go according to his exact plan, but he will learn to deal. 

Like I said last time I have had some rough weeks but I am really hoping this week that I can get the things I need taken care of done. I woke up at 4 and Elijah is still sleeping in his room, something I never thought would happen, but as long as our dog Ella will sleep on there with him, he feels safe. I think I need to go back to sleep now. 

Lots of Love

And Laughter,

Betsy