Just Amazed

I am so proud of my oldest son, Noah. He is about to graduate from LA Tech as a Biomedical engineering! But that's not all, he will be going to get his doctorate while getting paid to go to school. God just amazes me how He works through things!  My illness and the way it was neurological propelled him into the position he is in right now. He eventually wants to have his own research lab and find a much less invasive way to diagnose autonomic and neurological disorders and gastroparesis. I believe with all my heart and soul that God is going to use my children in a mighty way! I have always been so proud of my sweet Noah, even though he hasn't always realized it. He is very hard on himself. He tends to push himself to expectations that no one could possibly meet and often exceeds them. But when he doesn't he is so hard on himself. I think by now he knows how much he is loved and adored. He can see that in his baby girl. I just hope he realizes how many people feel the same! I feel so honored to be his mom and have played a part in making him who he is. I know God made him fully who he is but I thank God for letting me be his mommy! My little man is all grown up!

What starving looks like.

I get it, really I do, when people say, "you don't look like your starving to me." You see, that's the cruelest joke of all. I know you've all seen the images of the starving kids in Africa with their bellies distended. Starvation goes so much deeper than being tiny. I was tiny for a while. But your body goes into a mode where your metabolism halts, and it holds on to everything down to the smallest lifesaver. It continues to cannibalize your bones and muscles and turns them into fuel and fat. That is why starvation diets never really work. Well, in my case, being on complete IV nutrition after years of starvation and dehydration was a recipie for extreme weight gain. The doctors didn't care about my weight because they were focused on my blood work and if I had extra weight on me it would be beneficial in the event that the TPN shut down my liver which it was prone to do. So your body processes all the fats and sugars pumped directly into your heart differently. My body already held on to everything but this was much more. So I got larger than my top pregnancy weight and I didn't even get to enjoy what was making me fat. I spent a good 6 months after my healing simply regaining energy to do simple things. Though I have lost 35 pounds I have a long way to go. I tell you all of this to say, don't judge someone by the way they may look. Medication and illness can do strange things to the body.

"Be strong, and of good courage"

In Deuteromony 31 Moses passes the torch to Joshua. I love the words God has for him and I feel they are for us today as well. "Then Moses called Joshua and said to him in the sight of all Isreal, 'Be strong and of good courage, for you must go with this people to the land which the Lord has sworn to their fathers to give them, and you shall cause them to inherit it.'" But I really love what he says after that in verse 8. "And the Lord, He is the one who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you, do not fear nor be dismayed." As I embark on my ministry and begin to share what God has done for me with the world, these words are such a great encouragement. Knowing that not only does God go before me, but He will also give me the words to speak to change lives much like He changed my life. Pray for me as I go on this journey that I will always look to the Lord for the words to speak that I may never cause anyone any harm or to stumble in any way.

Father Forgive Them

Jesus must have been so hurt and angry at the people who delivered Him to the cross, the ones who beat Him, the ones who put that crown upon His head, the ones who nailed Him to the cross, the ones who looked on with delight in their eyes. All the while, claiming that it was in God's name. But His response was so beautiful. He looked down at them in the midst of His agony  and said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." Everything Jesus did was for us, and if we can really grasp that, then we understand the true meaning of forgiveness. We can take a cue from Jesus when we are wronged or mistreated or falsely accused. God says anger is okay. The Bible speaks often of God's anger. Psalms tells us to be angry but do not sin.  Yet if we can say of those who have hurt us so deeply, Father forgive them, for they know not what they do; then we truly understand what it is to be forgiven. We get why Jesus came to this earth lived and died. We understand that His death was not the end, but the beginning of everything! On this Easter be thankful for what God has done for each and every one of us! Remember that we have been forgiven of the unforgivable,  that God's anger is always more righteous than anything we have to be angry about. God's grace is more than we could ever deserve. We need to give grace to those who have hurt us. It is human nature to want to take vengeance. The Bible says, "Vengeance is Mine, says the Lord." And there are times when we want God to take His vengeance. But if we can look to the cross and instead say, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." Then we can truly know God's peace. We are forgiven. We are given the means to come into God's presence. That is true freedom. That is true Love! That is the fullness and meaning of true Joy! That is true peace! Take it, it is freely given. God paid a great price for us! Happy Resurrection Day!