Day 237

Food is my greatest nemesis. We are supposed to have to eat to live but it is literally killing me. Every day I wake up and say I will not eat today. But it may be a few hours or most of the day but I finally get so hungry that I put food down my throat knowing that not only is it going to come back up, but first it is going to cause me to be doubled over in pain and start a migraine. Most of the time it does so much more too. So at that point I stick to my resolve until I start feeling better, then I smell something or see something that looks delicious or I just decide I am going to eat and the vicious cycle goes on. I have been off TPN for 6 months and it put 50 pounds on me and 6 months later it is still here. I can only assume my body is in starvation mode because I know I have muscle weakness due to malnutrition. I was so excited about going to the doctor tomorrow and now I am in so much pain and so weak that I cannot drive myself. I have to take my meds now and pray they will at least lessen my symptoms. 

Day 236 My Birthday!

I have to say I had the best birthday. For the first time in a long time I don't feel so sick! I know that doesn't mean I need to eat or do anything to trigger my symptoms but it has been the best day! I slept all night which is a huge accomplishment in itself. We went to Ruston to see Noah's apartment and spend the day with he and Krystian. We are home now and relaxing and I think we will watch a movie. I wanted nothing more than to have a prayer service next Saturday but I just don"t have it in me to put it together, and that is alright. I have lived long enough to know that if something is in God's will that you won't have to force things to happen, He will open the doors and allow things to fall into place and that has not been the case here. So I will continue the road He has put before me and not question every step. I must continue with this thorn in my flesh for a time longer, knowing that He will use it for the glory of His name. I know that He can heal me in an instant but there is a reason for this season in my life and I will not be stiff necked and fight it. I will follow the path that has been laid before me and know that the truth will show all what God can and will do for not just me, but us all! The days I grow weary, I will remember this day and the strenght He gives me through the storm. I trust You, Lord, and know that Your best for me is much much greater than any best I could imagine for myself! I will follow You where ever You may lead because I know in my weakness that Your strength will prevail!

Day 234

 Today is Hope's first performance at a game. I am so proud if her and all she is doing. I am also so proud of Noah and I must say I miss him like crazy. You know I am proud of my sweet Elijah, this school year has him so excited. He has always been such a sponge for learning but with this new curriculum he is going to be so far ahead of the pack. His science alone is  Botany. Not many second graders learn about botany. 

Monday is my birthday. I will be 38 but the only thing I want is a prayer service next Saturday. I am so ready for God's healing but I can only hope it is His time. Welcome to the weekend everyone, I hope I have more interesting things to say later because I think my mind is still asleep. 

Day 230

Everything is coming together very slowly like the pieces of a 5000 piece puzzle without the box to see what the picture is supposed to be. But still I have to praise God that things are coming together. This part may sound strange to you but I have seen 4 separate visions of what is to come. I do hope and pray that September 14th is God's timing to heal me but if it is not then I must wait on Him. Psalms 27:14 says, "Wait on The Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on The Lord." Though I am weary and ready for a new adventure I trust that He will strengthen my heart even if my time for healing is not upon us. I would love for all who wish to come rather to pray, be healed, or just watch for a miracle to be there on September 14th. I also hope to launch my foundation that day. All are welcome but I am still working out the details so feel free to comment or message me about this event.